“Aisha Tyler wants to be the funniest person in the room.”

By Jason Tanamor

Aisha Tyler returns to the stand-up stage to promote her new live DVD special, “Aisha Tyler is lit: Live at the Fillmore.” She recently called in to chat with me about her upcoming performance in my hometown, her TV and film career, and what it is like to be a black woman married to a white man.



(Click on the link below to hear the interview.)

http://www.mediafire.com/?nhizumlzzgw



Check her out in the new film “Black Water Transit,” a New Orleans crime drama directed by Tony Kaye (“American History X”) and starring Laurence Fishburne, Karl Urban, and Brittany Snow. She also will be touring throughout 2009 to support her DVD special. Tyler has appeared in “The Ghost Whisperer” with Jennifer Love Hewitt, “Friends,” “24” and “CSI.”



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“Outsourced.” – DVD Review.

By Jason Tanamor

4 Stars:

When Todd (Josh Hamilton - Alive, Kicking and Screaming) finds out his job and department are being outsourced to India, he realizes that he is essentially going to train his replacement for far less money than he is making. At first, Todd is reluctant to go. There is a short verbal standoff with his boss, followed by silence, and what ensues is an amusing and smart story about the differences between America and India, not only socially, but culturally.



Upon arrival, Todd begins to see how different India really is. From the economic infrastructure to the loss of translation, Todd spends a great deal of time training his new employees how to be more like Americans, to try and offset American customers’ hostility toward outsourcing call centers to India. Slang, word reductions such as saying things like, “Are you talking to me?” versus “You talkin’ to me?” and language are all a challenge to the Indian workers. In one scene, one of his customer service operators is telling a woman over the phone that she should go with rubbers for her grandson who is starting school this year. The woman, irate, hangs up the phone. It’s later revealed that “rubber” in India means “eraser.”



Knowing that Todd cannot leave the country until he gets his department down to American business standards, he believes it is impossible due to all of the aforementioned reasons. That is until one of the employees, Asha (Ayesha Dharker - Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones), stands out in terms of work ethic and talent.

One of the important parts of this movie is when Todd is speaking to the Indian employees about learning about America. He feels like he is not getting through, until he makes a total gaffe and explains the usage of one of his company’s products – a cow branding novelty to brand steak. It is at this moment that Asha speaks up and tells Todd that HE needs to learn about India. Shortly thereafter, Todd takes the advice to heart and soon he finds his department moving in the right direction.

This movie portrays what many people think is happening when they call a tech division for their computer. An accented voice with an American name who says they are in Chicago, or in the movie it’s pronounced Chi-caw-go, is just one of many stereotypes in regard to customer service outsourcing.

“Outsourced” would have received a 5 star rating but the story, albeit creative, funny and intelligent, was pretty predictable in terms of how Todd would end up. And with Asha being an attractive woman, it was apparent that she and Todd would hook up. What I did like about the movie was that the ending wasn’t typical.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“Howie Day wows Redstone Room crowd.” - Concert Review.

By Jason Tanamor

4 Stars:

Howie Day, whose hit song “Collide” topped the Billboard Top 100 at number 20, stopped by the Redstone Room in Davenport, IA on March 12th for a one night show that brought in nearly 200 people. The venue, a quaint non-smoking room that sits above the River Music Experience in the city’s downtown, was the perfect place for Day’s music. His one man band consists of himself and his guitar, but throughout the performance the musician used backing vocals, an array of effects (some worked, some didn’t), and at least once, Day even admitted that he was singing along with the CD.



The crowd, mostly college aged kids, was 2/3rd into it and 1/3rd casually hanging out as if Day was performing at a kegger in which a local fraternity was hosting. Half of the room was open for people to sit and enjoy the show while conversing with those at their table while the other half of the Redstone Room was mainly like a general admission concert, with people standing in front of the stage and some even right next to the stage. What I liked about the venue was that there wasn’t a bad seat in the house, no matter where you were. At one point of the night, I was standing on the floor in front of the stage, while at other points I was sitting at a table just a few feet from the stage and even walked right up to the stage to check out Day’s fancy arrange of pedals and effects.



Day came out and performed his first song with the accompaniment of some backing vocals and music. Toward the end of the song, Day stopped playing and singing and let the CD finish the song out. At first I didn’t know if he was even singing, and at one point even made a comment about him doing a dance jig ala Ashley Simpson on SNL. But he didn’t, and when the song finished, the crowd went nuts. Day then went into his next song, with it being just him and his guitar, and when he did the songs like this, Day was awesome. His voice, his playing, and his presence were perfect, and the sound in the Redstone Room was right on.

The only song I have heard from Day, prior to the concert, was “Collide.” And although this was the highlight of the night, mainly because the crowd got the most into it during this song, I quickly became a fan of his music.

Only three times did Day use these weird effects, some of which were ones you used to tinker with on a Casio keyboard that had lasers, echoes, and even reverbs. If Day had only performed the entire set with his voice and his guitar, the show would’ve been even more spectacular. However, the crowd, some of which who were hardcore Howie Day fans, was treated with a majestic evening with Day and his music, and the Redstone Room had a big part to do with it. Any other venue in town would’ve made the performance less regal.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“Who Watched the “Watchmen”? I Did.” - Movie Review.

By Bob Zerull

4 1/2 Stars:

I’ve never really been a comic book guy. I was always the baseball card guy while my brother was the comic book guy. I always enjoyed the comic book movies, but I can honestly say that I’ve never read a comic book as a kid. When I saw “Sin City,” I realized that comic books were more than just Superman, Batman and Spiderman. There was this whole other genre of stories. All the main stream superheroes were ruined because of TV shows and cartoons. However the comic books tell much darker stories of Batman and Superman. Stories that we never really get to see on the big screen. I think “Frank Miller’s Sin City,” “Hell Boy” and “Batman Begins” really paved the way for darker stories. After the success of “300” and “The Dark Knight” we were going to get a chance to see the ultimate comic book movie, “The Watchmen.”



I discovered “The Watchmen” by reading entertainment websites such as www.aintitcool.com. The announcement that Zack Snyder (“300,” Dawn of the Dead”) was going to take on the monumental task of filming a story that has been deemed un-filmable was when I became interested. How good could this story really be? I had read up on Alan Moore, author of “The Watchmen,” as well as “V for Vendetta” among other. Alan Moore supposedly hates movies based on comic books. He won’t allow his named to be used on the credits and he will not accept any of the royalties.

Apparently studios have been trying to make this movie for years/decades. At one point Terry Gilliam (Monty Python, “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas) and then later Paul Greengrass (“United 93,” “The Bourne Supremacy”) were slated to direct. Alan Moore was able to talk Terry Gilliam out of it while Paul Greengrass’s version never got out of preproduction. Needless to say this is a highly anticipated movie.

I have read “The Watchmen” once. However it is a story designed for multiple readings as is the movie. The underlying theme of the story is: What would it be like if ordinary people dressed up as superheroes to fight crime? The story takes place in a 1985 where Richard Nixon is still President and the Cold War is about to become World War III. Masked Vigilantism has been outlawed and it appears that the former vigilantes are being attacked one by one.

The story opens with the death of the Comedian also known as Edward Blake. The death of the Comedian leads the character Rorschach to dig deeper into his death. Nobody knows who the superheroes are except the inner circle of superheroes. Eventually one by one the superheroes are taken out of the picture so that a master plan can unfold, but who is behind it?



The movie is nearly three hours long and extremely complicated. I would not be able to go into the details of the story in under 1000 words. I would like to however compare the movie to the book and explain what I think works and doesn’t work. What works are the characters. It took me a little while to get used to seeing them move. All of these characters only appeared in “The Watchmen,” so I’m used to just seeing a still image. The casting was great. Specifically Jeffrey Dean Morgan as The Comedian and Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. There wasn’t a weak link in the cast. I have read criticism of Malin Akerman as the Silk Spectre II, but I disagree with that. I think the only reason there is criticism is because she’s from “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.” She is exactly how I read her character in the comic.

The new ending works well too. I spent the whole movie thinking I was going to hate the altered ending. When it finally hit I believed that it made more sense. In the comic there is that moment where the “bad guy” explains his master plan and it kind of reads cheesy. The movie is able to avoid that the cheesiness to an extent. The same stuff happens, it just happens differently.

What doesn’t work is Richard Nixon. He is too prominent a role in the movie. The book pretty much just refers to Nixon, but in the movie we see too much of him and to be honest it is annoying, because the makeup is terrible. It would have been cool if they could have cast Frank Langella from “Frost/Nixon” to play Nixon, but oh well. Another thing that doesn’t work is the music. There are some great songs chosen for the movie, but they just don’t fit with the movie or they are out of place in the movie depending on the song.

However these flaws do not detract from the movie as a whole. The movie is terrific. It is definitely not for everyone. It is pretty graphic and intense. It is also a complicated story, especially for a “comic book.” Ultimately I think this movie is going to get compared to “Sin City” and “The Dark Knight.” Is it better or as good as those two? In my opinion, no, but it is great regardless.



BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com.

"Let the women do the driving."

By Melvin Durai

My wife, Malathi, has a driver's license and thank goodness for that, because if she didn't have one, she wouldn't be able to buy any beer.

You have to be 18 to shop at the liquor store here. Malathi is much older than that, but it's still conceivable that a sales clerk might ask her for ID, considering all the liquor fumes in the store. And when you're standing in line with a bunch of hip youngsters, who are listening to their iPods or texting their friends on their iPhones, the last thing you want to be doing is whipping out your passport.



Passports are the uncoolest form of ID. You might as well bring your mother to the store to say, "This is my daughter. She is older than 18. Would you like to see some of her baby pictures?"

Yes, the driver's license comes in handy, though, in Malathi's case, it ought to be called a drinker's license. Not that Malathi drinks a lot. She has a little wine or beer occasionally. A couple of times a month, which means that she does a lot more drinking than driving. Unless you count the type of driving that involves me and a wall.

When she goes to work, she takes the bus. It's convenient, economical and less stressful. She gets to do some reading on the bus - and more than just all the tattoos.

When we go out as a family, guess who does the driving? Yes, Mr. Imbecile. That's me. Malathi sits next to me and tells me what I did wrong: "Weren't you supposed to turn left over there?" "Weren't you supposed to slow down for the yellow light?" "Weren't you supposed to stay out of the ditch?"

Just the other day, while we were heading to church, I drove too fast on an icy exit ramp, lost control of our car and ended up in a pile of snow down a slope. Fortunately none of us was hurt, but Malathi gave me a look that said, "Weren't you supposed to bring your brain with you?"

Despite a few mistakes like that, I think I'm a pretty good driver. I wish Malathi would compliment my driving now and then: "Sensational parallel parking, honey!" "Beautiful U-Turn, Melvin!" "Wonderful job getting out of the ditch!"



Better yet, I'd like her to do more driving, so I can do more complaining. But it rarely happens. Even on long trips, I'm usually doing the driving, and she's usually doing the sleeping.

It's so unfair, especially since women are supposed to be better drivers than men. Yes, a number of studies have shown this to be true - and some of these studies, believe it or not, were conducted by men!

The problem, it seems, is that men are always driving under the influence. A few are guilty of driving under the influence of alcohol, but most are guilty of driving under the influence of testosterone.

Scientists are still trying to figure testosterone out, but it's clear the hormone affects male drivers in ways women can't even begin to understand. Consider these situations:

- You are driving down a road when a car zooms past you at a breakneck speed. Female response: "What an idiot! I hope he gets a ticket." Male response: "What an idiot! He thinks his car is faster than mine. I'll show him."

- You accidentally cut off another driver. He shakes his head and blares his horn. Female response: "Oh no, he must be really mad at me. I'd better lower my head and look straight ahead." Male response: "What an idiot! He thinks his horn is louder than mine. I'll show him."

- A driver tries to pass you, but loses control of his car, goes off the road and slams into two trees, knocking them down. Female response: "Oh no, I hope he isn't hurt." Male response: "What an idiot! He thinks his car can knock down more trees than mine. I'll show him."

BYLINE:

Melvin Durai is a Manitoba-based writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and has lived in North America since the early 1980s. Read his humor blog at http://www.Nshima.com Write to him at comments@melvindurai.com.

"'Everybody Loves Raymond's' Andy Kindler hates bad comedy."

By Jason Tanamor

One of the things that irks Andy Kindler is a bad comeidian. He recently stopped by to vent about them.

Q - Did you always want to be a comedian?

A - No. As a little kid (Little Kid was my rap name) I wanted to be a musician. I played the violin, but not intentionally for comedic effect. Then I switched to guitar and started writing songs. Don’t worry. I don’t do song parodies. After not making a living as a musician, I became a stand-up.



Q - Was there a particular moment that made you decide to do stand-up?

A - A friend of mine convinced me to give it a shot with him as a comedy duo. I did that for a couple of years, and then I went out on my own. So I was cajoled into starting, if cajoled is an actual word.

Q - Describe your act for those who only know you from television.

A - My act involves me complaining about everything in popular culture that bothers me. And anything else that sticks in my craw, if that is an actual place. I also comment a lot about my act as I’m doing it. Before I was a comedian, I was in the deconstruction business. I wouldn’t build a house. Just describe it.

Q - Your bio says that you are known in comedy circles as a troublemaker. How did you get this reputation?

A - I tend to name names, which can affect future employment. Like I make fun of Larry the Cable Guy. So now I’ll never be invited on the Blue Collar Tour. Which I guess is a blessing. What was the question again?

Q - You wrote an article for National Lampoon called, "The Hack Handbook." Was this inspired by anyone in particular?

A - There are so many people who inspired me to write that article, it’s hard to pick just one. But Robin Williams would be a good place to start. He’s my go-to hack.

Q - Why do you hate Dane Cook so much?

A - I don’t hate him personally. Nor do I hate his act really. I love to watch his act and savor every over the top moment. It’s pure joy to see him prowl the stage and over sell his material. And I love how much hair product he uses. He’s over the top on top.



Q - Aside from Hitler, who else is Dane Cook worse than?

A - He’s worse than Ghengis Khan’s brother, Dennis Khan, who was a prop act. He’s on a par with Mussolini, although Mussolini had better timing.

Q - Is Dane Cook worse than Carlos Mencia?

A - Carlos Mencia and Dane Cook could have a Worse Off.

Q - Has Dane Cook ever tried to kick your ass?

A - No, and I hope he doesn’t because I cry and whimper at the drop of a hat, or after I’m punched. I assume when he fights, he telegraphs his punches, along with a lot of pantomime.

Q - Do you think if you and Dane Cook were to get into a fight, he would do his dinosaur impersonation on you?

A - Thankfully I haven’t seen his dinosaur impression, or maybe I blocked it out. Does he do anything funny with his hands during the bit?

Q - Which comedian is your favorite bad comedian?

A - It changes with the decade, starting with Red Skelton. But don’t make me choose. I love all my favorite bad comedians equally.

Q - You’ve done a lot of television and even shot your own pilot called, "Andytown." Do comedians get into the business to be on sitcoms?

A - Not really, but many comedians like money. There used to be a lot of money in sitcoms. Now there’s no money in anything. Are you cheered up?

Q - I’ve seen a few clips of your stand-up, none of them were of the same content. Sometimes you see comics doing the same act over and over. How do you decide what material to do for each show?

A - I couldn’t do the same act over and over. I would get sleepy. I never deliver my jokes in any particular order, and I am always writing new material, so the act changes. Boy do I enjoy tooting my own horn, or what? The question is rhetorical.

Q - Is Dane Cook worse than Joe Rogan?

A - Don’t get me in trouble with Joe Rogan. The guy knows martial arts and stuff like that. Do you want me to get my ass kicked? Would that make you happy?

Q - Anything else you wanted to say about bad comedians?

A - Does Jim Belushi count as a bad comedian even though he’s not really a comedian? I know that doesn’t answer your question. I just like making fun of Jim Belushi.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

"Fireproof." - DVD Review.

By Bob Zerull

2 1/2 Stars:

Kirk Cameron is back. Now we just need Candace to make a comeback. As many of you know Kirk Cameron is a very devout Christian. After the success of the movie “Facing the Giant” Kirk Cameron contacted Sherwood Pictures about being in their next movie. Sherwood Pictures is this little church/production company that is trying to make movies for Christians. They want to prove to Hollywood that there is an audience out there for faith based films.



I’ve seen “Facing the Giants” and I wanted to hate it so much. Truth is, it is a very watchable movie. It’s bad and ungodly unrealistic, but it is very watchable. What that movie had was a very powerful and moving scene regarding one player's calisthenics and a coaches challenge. As with “Facing the Giants,” I wanted to hate “Fireproof” too. I wanted to get on here and bash that movie for being the BS that it sounds like. However I can’t.

Did I like this movie? Not really, but again it was very watchable. The story moves well, really the biggest flaw is their version of God being shoved down your throat. I’m not an atheist, but I don’t know that I’d call myself a Christian either. Truth is that I don’t what’s out there. I’m open to the idea that there is a God or that Jesus is God, but to say I believe is a stretch. I say that because people cling to their beliefs and they judge others because they believe in something else. I personally think it is important to respect everyone’s beliefs.

Now that I’m off my soap box, “Fireproof” is a movie about a highly regarded fire fighter, Caleb Holt, played by Kirk Cameron, who feels he is not getting the respect he deserves at home. He switches from bad ass to dickhead just by walking into his house. I bought Kirk as the bad ass fire fighter. I didn’t think I would, but he did a fine job on that level. Kirk as a dick head felt kind of forced and I really didn’t buy him getting upset at his wife over some of the things he got upset at her for. Once I got past that the movie rapidly moves on.



Caleb seems to have come to grips that divorce is the only answer. Caleb vents to his father about his marital struggles. Caleb’s father ask to at least try the “Love Dare” which is a fictional book in the movie (although I believe the producers have since tried to cash in on the opportunity to actually create this book). The “Love Dare” is a 40 day dare that should save your marriage.

Twenty days into the dare, their relationship is not getting any better. Caleb is ready to quit. This is where the movie starts to lose me, because the only way for this dare to be successful is to find Jesus. That said, the tension in their relationship keeps you on edge until the end, even though you know they’re going to end up together.

One of the funny side stories about the making of this movie is that Kirk Cameron would not kiss Erin Bethea who played Catherine Holt, Caleb’s wife. Instead they shot the kiss from a distance with his wife in real life. Now this is a cool story and all, but if I’m not mistaken, Will Smith has never really had a love scene up until the movie “Seven Pounds.” The only reason he had a love scene in “Seven Pounds,” was because his wife in real life, Jada Pinkett Smith, told him too. Yet you never really hear anything about that.

All in all it is a watchable movie that slams God in your face. “Fireproof” as well as “Facing the Giant” would have been so much more effective is the Jesus stuff was much more subtle. However this movie wasn’t made for me or for anybody questioning their faith. This movie is made for those that are locked into their beliefs and are interested in having those beliefs challenged - which is fine. Since that was the intent of the filmmakers, I have to say that this movie accomplished what it set out to accomplish, which is pander to the diehard Christian audience. The highlight of this movie is an intense scene on the train tracks where Caleb and the other fire fighters attempt to move the car off the tracks while a train is coming. Yes you’ve seen this in every cartoon since you were a child, but they do quite a good job of nailing this scene.



BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com.

"Give yourself an edge in the job market."

By Melvin Durai

These are tough economic times in America and elsewhere. If you're like me, you're saving money any way you can. I've canceled my cable, invested in a good pair of binoculars and started watching my neighbor's TV. Desperate times call for desperate measures.



In this harsh economic climate, it's important to have a job, any job. But finding a job isn't easy, especially since so many companies are giving their employees - even the male ones - pink slips. Competition for jobs is so intense that chess champ Vishwanathan Anand has been flooded with applications, all because someone wrote that he has "good openings."

With all the competition, it's vital for job seekers to give themselves an edge. That's why I've decided to offer a few tips to help people stand out from the crowd. Some of these tips may seem obvious, but, trust me, they're often overlooked.

Tip #1: Learn to speak English. When the economy was strong, some folks were able to find decent jobs in America by knowing just three words of English: "Me want job."
Others, realizing the importance of grammar, tried a little harder: "Me wants job."

These days, three words of English aren't enough to secure a job in any part of America outside Miami. Job seekers must learn at least six words, particularly these six: "Would you like fries with that?"

They may seem like easy words, but some immigrants really struggle with them. A few have been fired from fast-food restaurants for repeatedly asking customers, "Would you like flies with that?"

The restaurants, as you can imagine, received many customer complaints, such as the one from a West Virginia man who threw his meal at the manager, shouting: "I thought I was getting flies with my burger, not fries."



Tip #2: Go easy on the tattoos and body piercing. Two or three are OK, but when your entire body is green, the only people you're likely to impress are environmentalists. Well, perhaps a few others too, but they probably won't offer you
a job, unless one of them is a farmer and, with planting season coming around, needs another scarecrow.

(Yes, I know: some tattoos are works of art. In fact, Leonardo Da Vinci first tattooed the Mona Lisa on a friend's backside. Unfortunately nipple rings weren't common in those days, so he couldn't hang his friend in a gallery.)

Tip #3: Put your best foot forward at the job interview. This can be hard, especially if your feet look the same. Your friends can probably help you figure out which foot is better, but if you're still unsure, consult a podiatrist.

Tip #4: Dress for success. Too many people, unfortunately, dress for failure. Don't expect Chase Bank to hire you if you're wearing a T-shirt that says "Go bonkers!"
The least you can do is change the second 'o' to an 'a.'

Tip #5: Groom yourself well. If you're a man, it's probably a good idea to trim your nails, mustache and any unruly locks of nose hair. If you're a woman, resist the
temptation to dye your hair orange - unless you're applying for a job as a traffic cone.

Tip #6: Try to smell good. The most important thing you can do to smell good is take a bath, even if you've already taken one this year. You can practice water conservation AFTER the interview. A little perfume or cologne would also help, but don't empty the bottle, unless you want to spend your day reviving the interviewer.

Tip #7: Do some research. Employers are impressed when you know something about them. You might want to find out, for example, what they do. Don't ask the manager of Cracker Barrel how heavy the barrels are. And don't ask the recruiter at Samsung what exactly it was that Sam sung.

Tip #8: Don't do drugs. Most employers test for drugs and if you fail the test, you won't get a second chance, unless you're in the National Football League. If you like to get high several times a week, apply for a job as a flight attendant. It's safer and it won't deplete your bank account. Just be careful how you greet the passengers: "Good morning! Hope you have a good fright!"

BYLINE:

Melvin Durai is a Manitoba-based writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and has lived in North America since the early 1980s. Read his humor blog at http://www.Nshima.com Write to him at comments@melvindurai.com.