“Jenna von Oy is so over Joey Lawrence.”

By Jason Tanamor

Jenna von Oy has been on two hit TV shows, “Blossom” and “The Parkers.” But lately, she’s been concentrating on a different venue other than acting – singing. The actress and musician sat down for an interview to talk about her life in the public’s eye.



Q - You’re most known for your roles on “Blossom” as Six and “The Parkers” as Stevie. Although you’ve been acting pretty steadily, you haven’t been a part of a big series since “The Parkers.” When you go into a project, how often do you have the feeling that this one will be a hit?

A - One truly has nothing to do with the other… Not having been a part of a series since "The Parkers" is, in part, by choice. Having been on two long-running shows afforded me the ability to take a bit of a break to work on my music, and to give my personal life some deserved attention! As for the second part of the question, my assumption or expectation is never that a show is going to be successful. The odds are truly stacked against getting on a long-running series, so I have been unbelievably fortunate to have been on two already! I just try to keep a positive attitude, and enjoy it while it lasts… however long that may be!

Q - What project are you the most proud of and why?

A - I think the project I am most proud of is my album, "Breathing Room." (Which I released in September, 2007). After many years of playing characters, it was very cathartic to finally allow people to see the real me. I was able to have my hand in every portion of the process, as I wrote and co-produced the project as well. Ironically, it felt very freeing to wear my heart on my sleeve, despite the vulnerability. I am also extremely proud of my next album (no release date yet…), which is titled "Coffee & Men: An EP For Childish Adults." The EP isn’t intended to be a follow-up to the first album… in fact, it isn’t even country music! I wrote and recorded it specifically for film & television use, so it’s quite a bit quirkier & sillier than my first album. I like to say, "It sounds like Feist meets a really warped Norah Jones, with a little Betty Boop thrown in." It’s a fun combination… Please look for it on iTunes soon!

Q - You started acting at a very young age. Was entertainment something you always wanted to do with your life?

A - Without question. I began begging my parents to help me to pursue an acting career at the ripe old age of three!

Q - When you are involved in projects that don’t have the success that you are hoping for, how difficult is it to keep a positive attitude about acting and entertainment?

A - It comes with the territory! I just enjoy the process of what I do. Disappointments exist in every profession. I suppose I do the same thing everyone else does… I pick up and move on to the next thing!



Q - Your role as Six in “Blossom” had one stand out feature – talking very fast. How did that come about in your character?

A - In the very first episode of "Blossom," there was a typical “Six”-like, page-long speech. Even in the audition, I powered through it. I guess the producers loved it, and it sort of stuck!

Q - We see a lot of child actors not in the business or in trouble with drugs, etc. How did you keep focused and dedicated to the profession?

A - My love for my work is what has kept me focused… that, and a VERY strong support system around me. My family and friends are amazing, humble, and honest people. We all keep each other grounded.

Q - You recently recorded an album called “Breathing Room.” How did you get involved with music?

A - I have actually been singing and writing music for as long as I’ve been acting. It has always been my passion, and an important part of my life, but it had to take the back burner while I was filming "Blossom" and "The Parkers." With the long hours I kept, it was a bit tough to pursue music whole-heartedly until more recently. I was, however, able to travel back and forth to Nashville during my weeks off, in order to continue working toward making an album. Once my shows ended, I began writing and recording full-time.

Q - With singing and acting under your belt, what’s the future hold for you?

A - Hopefully more of the same! My past success in television and music doesn’t mean I want to move on to a new career and leave those behind! My career is a constant work in progress. I hope to continue working in both fields, and I am looking forward to whatever projects come my way. Perhaps, at some point, I will have an opportunity to merge the two careers. It would be ideal to do a television show where I get to write & sing my own music!

Q - Do you still have a crush on Joey Lawrence?

A - Oh goodness, no. Thankfully, I left my Joey crush behind in my teenage years!

Q – Is there anything else?

A - What would an interview be without a shameless plug? If anyone is looking to check out my music, please visit my website www.jennavonoy.com. I also have other fun merchandise available on the site store! (www.jennavonoy.com/store.php). You can go to iTunes to download my CD digitally.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“Generation next.”

By Jason Tanamor

Back years ago, a family included your mother, who was married to your father, which may have included your brother and/or sister, or even multiple brothers and/or sisters.

Nowadays, a child can go through many father figures, sometimes many fathers if marriages become existent, not to mention multiple siblings, who may or may not share the same race, religion or hair or skin color.



Between 1960 and 1995, births to unmarried mothers went from 5.3% to 32%. This increase involved women of all ages and races. However, from age 15 to age 19, the percentage went from 14.8% in 1960 to an astonishing 75.5% in 1995, according to Ventura, S.J., Martin, J.A., Matthew, T.J., Clarke, S.C. Advance Report of Final Natality Statistics, 1994. Monthly Vital Statistics Report; Vol. 44, No. 11, Supp., Hyattsville, Maryland: National Center for Health Statistics, 1996.

This seems to be the trend for the next generation. The generation that I’m a part of now. You see, when I was 19 years old, I became a father. I’m not with his mother anymore. My son will never have the chance to grow up in a normal household. I used to think this.

But now, having seen the tide shift to high divorce rates, one night stands and the occasional sperm bank visit, I think what’s going on today is normal.

An example: A friend of mine has five kids. Count ‘em five. With five different fathers. The two oldest are half African American/half Caucasian, two are full Caucasian, while one is half Caucasian/half Hispanic. Are you following me? The mother is in her mid twenties and is currently single and living in poverty.



My parents, on the other hand, have been married for (insert high number here) years. They, together, have raised three children, and are still happily married. Of course, they’re in their early sixties. My parents have never understood this generation, and if you ask my father, he doesn’t want to know about this generation. He’s still trapped in the 1960s.

I, however, have grown up in the midst of the transition. And from what I see, this is what I think is happening.

Back years ago, lives were determined by individual choices (okay, your parents’), whether right or wrong. Nowadays, lives are determined by pop stars, commercials and Fortune 500 companies. If MTV decides to air sex on its station, then kids think that this is what the new trend is. That’s why kids are walking around dressing like Beyonce and drinking Pepsi, because Pepsi has paid her lots of money to pull in the generation next crowd. Hence the slogan: Pepsi The choice of a new generation.

Nowadays, huge corporations are sponsoring events such as the Super Bowl, ball park stadiums, hit television shows, golf tours, concerts, and if we’re not careful, the generation next crowd.

I can only imagine: A commercial showing a single woman with five kids from five different fathers, each of whom has a father with a different nationality white, black, Mexican, Asian, etc. Enter a young man who just happens to have things in common with the woman music taste, movie taste, and sex.

These two have a child. Now, the woman has six children from six different fathers, none of which look like each other, much less look like the new daddy who chooses to stick around. This blended family, or generation next family, could be subject to corporate sponsorship. Say, Skittles Taste the rainbow. There would be a rainbow of flavors here.

So for those of you who are still trapped in normal household rules and etiquette and are trying to find good examples for your children, just remember, there are still good syndicated shows on television, including "Growing Pains," "Leave it to Beaver" and "Family Matters." Otherwise, pick up the phone and call Jerry Springer.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“I Love You Man.” – Movie Review.

By Bob Zerull

3 Stars:

Bromance: (n) A strictly platonic relationship between two men (bros).

Thank God they didn’t name this movie “Bromance.” I’m not a fan of that phrase. That said I’ve enjoyed my fair share of bromances. One sticks out though. His name was Jake Buechler. Dave Matthews broke us up. We used to sit around and play guitar, sometimes he’d sit in on drums. We’d play “Yellow Ledbetter” by Pearl Jam, “Hotel California” by the Eagles, “Patience” by Guns N Roses, and “Blind” by Korn. Then he got into The Dave Matthews Band and I can’t stand them. But I do miss him, Jake, not Dave Matthews. One night when we were in high school I spent the night at Jake’s house. We rented inappropriate movies and I fell asleep watching them. When we woke up in the morning he started laughing. I was like what’s so funny? He said, “I came this close to hitting you in the face.” He was masturbating and apparently nearly hit my pillow. He wasn’t trying to hit me, but apparently got a good shot off. That’s how much I hate The Dave Matthews Band, because we stayed friends after that.



Paul Rudd gets a second lead role in a row. At the beginning of “I Love You Man,” Paul’s character proposes to Rashida Jones (“The Office” & “Parks & Recreation”). He’s such a good romantic guy that Jones calls her friends on speaker phone at the same time to tell them the news, with Paul listening in. Hilarity ensues when her friends (unaware that they’re on speaker phone with Rudd listening in) talk in a detailed manner about their sex life.



The one problem Rudd has is that he’s always been a girlfriend guy. She’ll have six bridesmaids and he won’t have any groomsmen. His gay brother played by Andy Samburg (SNL) tries to give Rudd tips on how to meet guys. All the guys he meets are annoying or gay. He gives up looking for a guy. Then, while trying to sell Lou Ferrigno’s house he runs into Jason Segal. Jason Segal immediately lets him know that he’s not interested in the house; rather he just wants the free food. He figured that since it’s Lou Ferrigno’s open house there’s bound to be good free food. Rudd takes a liking to Segal and he’s asks him if he wants to hang out.

Rudd and Segal begin to hang out in Segal’s pleasure palace. Rudd notices that Segal is a huge fan of the band Rush. Segal can play every instrument, but he’s more an axe man while Rudd slaps a little bass. They learn a bunch of different Rush songs. Segal also provides an outlet for Rudd to vent about his fiancé. Ultimately Rudd begins to ditch his fiancé to hang out with Segal and that’s when conflict begins. The conflict is short lived, as this movie ends happy. Unlike those Judd Apatow movies with heart this movie’s happy ending is much more believable than those. The movie is not overly funny, but it definitely has its moments. It is very watchable. I can’t wait to see what Rudd or Segal do next.

BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com. Also visit: www.cadaverchristmas.com.

“Amputee goes from Howard Stern to Playboy.”

By Jason Tanamor

All Jennifer Krum wanted to do was get on the Howard Stern show. The 29-year-old Pennsylvania resident has been a huge fan of the shock jock radio host and once tried applying for the Miss Howard Stern title. “My video camera malfunctioned when I tried to make a tape, and I couldn’t find another one to use in time,” Krum said. “I figured he’d love to meet me as I have a fake arm and have a ton of crazy talents that only Howard could love.” Instead, she tried out for Howard Stern’s Miss Amputee Pageant, and like the old saying goes, “The rest is history.”



I recently had the pleasure of interviewing the Lancaster resident during the height of her popularity. Also, she seemed really cool.

Q - So, you’re the first ever amputee to pose for Playboy. Do you think this will trigger into more and more amputees posing for the magazine?

A - You never know. I think that if Playboy believes that someone who happens to be an amputee is attractive enough, they’d be more than willing to work with them. I’m pretty sure they had a paraplegic in the magazine before, so it’s not like they refuse to shoot someone because of a disability. Maybe the fact that I worked with Playboy despite being an amputee will encourage others like me to go for it.

Q - Why do you think there hasn’t been an amputee in Playboy before?

A - I don’t necessarily think there’s a specific reason as to why. It’s probably something that just never came about. Like I said, I don’t believe they’d turn someone who is attractive away just because they are an amputee.

Q - Do you think Howard Stern was exploiting amputees in a positive or negative light when he came up with the Miss Amputee label?

A - This is the way I look at it: If I don’t feel as if I’m being exploited as an amputee, nobody else should. It’s all in good fun, and I think people sometimes need to learn not to take things so seriously. I think that by having such a pageant on his show, Howard kind of made light of what some might consider strange, and I certainly don’t mind having the title of “Miss Amputee.” Personally, I think that being able to laugh at yourself every now and then is the key to being happy in life.

Q - So, when you won, did you think, “This is it. I’m going back to my normal life.”?

A - Pretty much. I had no expectations after having won at all. All I really wanted out of the whole thing was to meet Howard Stern. Everything that came out of it all was a complete surprise.



Q - How soon did the Playboy offer come in?

A - What happened was the week after the pageant, I heard Howard talking on the air about the “Robospanker” machine they had just gotten. It’s this automatic spanking machine they’d ordered, and they were trying to figure out who they could put into it first. Nobody seemed to want to, so for fun I called in and told him I’d do it. Howard and the gang were all about it, so I went back up just a couple of days later to be spanked with my own arm. It was during that appearance that the people at playboy.com heard about me, and asked if I wanted to do a shoot with them. I agreed, and just four days later, I was shooting with Playboy in Chicago. It all happened really quickly.

Q - How has your life changed since you’ve posed for Playboy?

A - Quite honestly, things haven’t changed much for me at all in my day to day life. I do the same things I’ve always done on a day to day basis, and people don’t recognize me and stuff when I go out. I’d say the only thing that’s changed is that I get asked to do interviews all the time now, and have offers to do different product endorsements. That’s about all. I’m really just a normal gal.

Q - Is this something you’re hoping to parlay into a career in entertainment?

A - If something like that should come out of this it would be very cool, but that isn’t really my goal. I don’t want to act or be in movies or anything like that. The only thing entertainment wise I’d do is to be some sort of news reporter or host on a TV show or something. Otherwise, I definitely have no desire to be “famous.” I just want to do some good in the world and make a decent living doing it. That’s really my only goal.

Q - If a more raunchy magazine comes forward, like Penthouse or Hustler, are you willing to do a full nude pictorial instead of the topless one you did for Playboy?

A - Absolutely not. Although I’m totally supportive of girls who pose completely nude, I decided that I’d only go topless for my pictorial, just because I wanted to leave a little something to the imagination. Playboy is definitely as far as I go when it comes to doing “adult” type work though, and my only reason for having done it in the first place was because of the positive message I knew it could send to others out there with disabilities. I did an interview to be published in an upcoming issue of Hustler, which I was totally cool with - but it’s just an interview, nothing more. I was totally flattered that Playboy wanted to work with me, and I’m glad I had the opportunity to - but I can’t really see myself doing any further nude work with anyone.

Q - What does your family and friends think about you posing?

A - My family and friends are very supportive of everything. Nobody has been negative at all about anything that’s happened with me as of late, even fans who email me, which is awesome. I have a wonderful support system.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

"Paula Poundstone says comedy is much better than waitressing."

By Jason Tanamor

If it seems like you've heard the name Paula Poundstone for many, many years, you have. The comedienne has been doing stand-up for 30 years. Her success isn't solely from being a talented and funny person, rather Poundstone's success is also attributed to her being a very nice person.



I recently called to talk to her about her life as a comic, and also to ask advice on how her YouTube videos can get more hits.

(Clink on the link to hear the audio interview.)

http://www.mediafire.com/?10kcmg2owji



You can check Paula out on tour now at these dates and venues:

May 2009:

5/1 - Schenectady, NY, GE Theatre at Proctors
5/2 - Chatham, NJ, The Sanctuary Concerts W/Jerry Vezza
5/3 - Toronto, ON, Canada, Panasonie Theatre
5/8 - Huntington, NY, IMAC theatre
5/14 - Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
5/18 - Minneapolis, MN, Guthrie Theatre

June 2009:

6/4 - Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
6/5 - San Juan Capistrano, CA, Coach House
6/6 - Salt Lake City, UT Utah Pride Festival
6/7 - San Diego, CA Anthology Restaurant 6/11 Rochester, MN Mayo Civic Center Auditorium
6/13 - Agoura Hills, CA Canyon Club

July 2009:

7/3 - Westhampton Beach, NY Westhampton Beach PAC
7/9 - Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
7/10 - Interlochen, MI, Corson Auditorium
7/12 - Chicago, IL, ALA Conference Private Engagement
7/15-16 - Provincetown, MA, The Vixen
7/17 - Boone, NC, Farthing Auditorium
7/24-25 - Ogunquit, ME, Jonathan’s

August 2009:

8/14 - Rockland, ME, Strand Theatre
8/15 - Brownfield, ME, Stone Mt. Arts Center
8/28 - Austin, TX, One World Theatre

September 2009:

9/5 - Fish Creek, WI, Door Community Auditorium
9/12 - Monterey, CA, The Golden State Theatre
9/18 - Jim Thorpe, PA, Penn's Peak
9/19 - Munhall, PA, Carnegie Library of Homestead

October 2009:

10/2 - Boston, MA, Wilbur Theatre
10/3 - Alexandria, VA, Birchmere
10/8 - Colorado Springs, CO, Pikes Peak Center
10/12 - Wailea, HI, Grand Wailea Resort Private Engagement
10/15 - Mesa, AZ, Piper Reperatory Theater – Mesa Arts Center
10/16 - Buffalo, NY, Buffalo State College
10/17 - Mahwah, NJ, Berrie Center - Ramapo College
10/22 - Wait Wait Don't Tell Me
10/23 - Burlington, VT, Flynn Center
10/24 - Lebanon, NH, Lebanon Opera House
10/31 - Pasadena, CA, Pasadena Convention Center

November 2009:

11/6 - Overland Park, KS, Johnson County Community College - Yardley Hall
11/13 - Concord, NH, Capitol Center for the Arts
11/14 - Iowa City, IA, Englert Auditorium
11/20 - Fairfiedl, CT, Fairfield University
11/21 - New Bedford, MA, Zeiterion Theatre

December 2009:

12/4 - Northampton, MA, Calvin Theatre & PAC
12/5 - San Francisco, CA, Jewish Community Center of San Francisco - Kanabar Hall
12/11 - Annapolis, MD, Rams Head On Stage



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“So many ways to prove your manhood.”

By Melvin Durai

There comes a time in every man's life when he needs to prove his manhood, he needs to show that he's a "real man" - or about to become one. For the typical male, this isn't a one-time act, but something he feels compelled to do every few years, just to reassure himself, just to calm one of his greatest fears - that his manhood is shrinking.



The first act of proving his manhood usually happens early in life, when he's still a teen-ager. He looks in the mirror, discovers that he has grown a mustache and, with great pride and excitement, shaves it off and applies aftershave. He purchased the aftershave five years earlier in anticipation of this historic moment. He forgot to buy a razor, but thankfully he has no trouble finding his sister's.

If he lives in certain parts of the world, this first act may be starkly different. It may involve circumcision, a word that's derived from Latin and literally means "Ouch! My manhood!" (Trust me, there's no more painful way of proving your manhood than losing part of it.)

It may involve fighting and defeating a large, ferocious animal - a lion or bear or professional wrestler. In some African tribes, you aren't a real man until you've gone to the forest and come home with a lion, preferably a dead one. Bringing home a lion is a daunting task, needless to say, especially if you can't afford the prices set by the local entrepreneur, the one who has a chain of Rent-a-Lion stores.

During a man's lifetime, proving his manhood may involve any or all of these acts: climbing Mount Everest, bungee-jumping, swimming the English channel, dating Padma
Lakshmi, winning a drinking contest, running from stampeding bulls, barreling over the Niagara Falls, and, of course, eating an extremely HOT curry.

The latter is how I proved my manhood. I was with a group of friends at an Indian restaurant and decided to impress them by ordering one of the hottest items on the menu, something called "mutton vindaloo." What I didn't realize is that "vindaloo" is a Hindi word that means "only idiots order this."



The waiter asked me if I wanted the curry to be hot, medium or mild. "Hot," I said, feeling a little offended that he should ask. Couldn't he see that I was a real man?

When the dish arrived, I took a bite and smiled at my friends. "It's not that hot," I said, feeling for a moment like a comic book hero: SuperCurryMan. Then all of a sudden, my tongue seemed to burst into flames, like the chef had seasoned the dish with a mixture of curry powder, chili powder, and gunpowder. My friends laughed as I gulped all the water on the table, trying in vain to douse the fire.

This is what I don't like about Indian restaurants: they keep salt, pepper and sugar within arms reach, but don't have the courtesy to supply each table with its own fire extinguisher. I had to run all the way to the kitchen to find one.

I may have scorched my tongue, but I still felt like a real man for trying the dish. Until, of course, I heard about Anandita Dutta Tamuly. The Indian woman recently earned a place in the Guinness Book of Records by eating 51 of the world's hottest chili peppers in two minutes, and then celebrated, as most people would, by rubbing some of the chili peppers into her eyes.

I'm not sure if she was trying to prove her womanhood, but she certainly managed to unprove my manhood.

Now I need to find a way to reclaim it. I'd climb Mount Everest, but I've heard that women do that too. They also bungee-jump, swim the English Channel and run from the
bulls.

They don't date Padma Lakshmi, but it's only a matter of time.

BYLINE:

Melvin Durai is a Manitoba-based writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and has lived in North America since the early 1980s. Read his humor blog at http://www.Nshima.com Write to him at comments@melvindurai.com.

“Hannah Gansen's comedy is both alternative and absurd.”

By Jason Tanamor

When I first met Hannah Gansen, she was lugging around her 1989 Yamaha keyboard to her gigs. That was about six years ago. Now, the comedienne is living it up in Los Angeles, and not only is she hitting the stand-up stages in the big city, she’s still toting around her Yamaha keyboard. I recently chatted with the Iowa native about her journey from small town to big dreams.



Q – When and why did you decide to stand-up comedy for a living?

A - I was tricked by a professor in college. She signed me up for a comedy night she had at her theatre in Iowa City, and I had to come up with ten minutes of material. I was so scared and sweaty, but I ended up doing so well, they had me be headliner the next night. From then on, I was hooked.

Q – How’s it been going so far?

A - Great! I've done stand up in Chicago, New York City, and now I'm out in LA. When I was in Chicago I did stand up, some theatre, Improv (I'm an alum of Improv Olympic Chicago), and starred in an independent film about zombies, no joke! I moved to LA in '07.

Q – You incorporate a lot music and song into your routine. How has your background contributed to this line of work?

A - I've been playing piano since I was six and singing since I traded my gills in for lungs. I always thought I would strictly just do music. I love music, I have to hear it, but hey, laughter is music. Gotta hear that too. If a tree falls, and no one's there to hear it, then thank God, no one was crushed beneath a tree!

Q – When you write material, is there a certain process that goes along with it?

A - Stuff just pops into my head or comes up in conversations I have, then I just build off of that.

Q – How often do you find yourself writing new material?

A - Everyday. Most of the time though, I just write it down and come back and add to it.



Q – You’re from a small town in Iowa. Then you moved to Chicago for a few years until you finally made the move to Los Angeles. What were the decision factors regarding this move and how has this move boosted your career?

A - I was ready for new challenges. Chicago was kind of a training ground for me, to establish myself, and discover what kind of a comedian I was. Since moving out here, I've done some stuff at Hollywood Improv, IO West, Icehouse, Comedy Store, Westside Eclectic, Ha Ha Cafe, and a lot of other great shows within LA and surrounding cities. Met lots of great people and some great creative challenges.

Q – With the opportunities comes competition. Do you find the competition overwhelming now that you’re in the middle of everything?

A - Not at all, it's electrifying to be in the center of it all, and I find other performers to be inspiring. And it's not as dog eat dog as everybody thinks in LA, there's a lot of "you scratch my back, I scratch yours," and plenty of decent people that are willing to help you out.

Q – How would you say your act stands apart from all the other comedians trying to make a living in Los Angeles?

A - Well, I have yet to run into another comedian toting around a 1989 Yamaha keyboard that they got for Christmas when they were eight. I don't know, I've heard people comment on my comedy as alternative or absurdist. I'm just not one of those "so I was in the customer service line for five hours, and guess what..." type comedians. I'd rather talk about the consequences of naming your dog Dad, RED humor (Communist jokes), do impressions of R2D2 in CVS Pharmacy, and lazy ghosts.

Q – Being from a small town in the Midwest, what do you do to subdue those feelings of homesickness?

A - I hardly ever get homesick, probably because I'm doing what I love, and I surround myself with positive people.

Q – Anything you wanted to add or promote?

A - If you're in the LA area, check me out at one of my shows. I usually post them on my Myspace page. And of course, like every other damn fool, you can watch my stuff on YouTube. Google me, I dare you. www.myspace.com/hannahgansen and www.rooftopcomedy.com/comics/hannahgansen.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“Fisher’s success comes from not taking themselves too seriously.”

By Jason Tanamor

If you haven’t heard of the band Fisher, you’re not alone. However, I would venture to guess that you’ve heard the band’s music at some point in your life. Ron Wasserman, one half of the band, recently chatted with me about the band’s success and music.



Q – Fisher has been around for more ten years. Yet, a lot of people have never heard of you. I first heard of the band when the album, "True North" came out. How difficult is it being an independent band that has to promote its music without the support of a major record label?

A - In some ways, by not having a major behind you, it's rather difficult to ever become truly well known so you have to lower your expectations somewhat. That being said, the advantages to having complete control over your career outweighs the problems and frustration associated with being on/with a major label as their success rate is around 1.5% total for all the bands they sign.

In our case, when we were with Universal Music, the rush of traveling all over the country doing radio, TV and live shows was a once in a lifetime experience. But their distribution was a mess. The company handling that, Valley Media, was going bankrupt in 2001 and so although we were #1 in many major radio markets, the CDs were not there and sadly iTunes had not been introduced to the world yet. We were very happy to get out of that deal.

Also, we make more that most signed bands. I guess you could say we do better than 98.5% of them. (Laughs)

Q – Your song, "I will love you" is the most downloadable song on the Internet. How did Fisher go about accomplishing this feat?

A - MP3.com had launched and I uploaded a few songs. I had created a banner ad for that site that caught a lot of eyes but ultimately people loved the song so we were getting around 18k downloads a day. This caught the attention of CNN, Time Magazine and others and so we started getting a lot of press. Doug Morris at Universal then heard the song and we literally inked the deal on Christmas Eve, at 10pm in 1999. It was quite a night.

Q – A few of the band’s songs have appeared on various television shows and commercials. How has this added to the success of the band?

A - We've actually had more than 300 placements in film, TV and commercials and it adds tremendously to the visibility of the band. Most recently our song "Beautiful Life" was used for the TLC Monday night shows. That alone brought more than 830k people into the Fisher fan base.

The reason we do so well in these areas is because our music is suited for advertising and storytelling. Also, we own everything 100% so we can agree to a deal very quickly.



Q – How do you feel about the musical landscape today?

A - I think a majority of the top stuff is shit. Whiny fricking boys all talking about the same crap. The girls are actually better but not by far. There are no more rock stars and real bands. Most of my friends are the session guys who play on all these tracks and some of them are the main voice you hear, but they obviously remain anonymous so the public will believe the illusion that the band is a real band.

What I LOVE about today’s music is the sonic quality. Everything cuts through with great power and clarity and makes nearly everything recorded prior to 1997 sound kind of weak.

Q – Not only are you two (Kathy Fisher) working professionals, but you two are also an item with a child. How do you balance the work life with the personal life?

A - Our boy is now five. We've always taken the attitude that he's along for the ride with us. Granted there are times when the schedule gets modified because he is the #1 thing in our lives but we drag him all over the world and he loves being back stage watching whatever we're doing.

Q – Do you two ever get like the Gallagher brothers from Oasis? If so, which one is Noel and which one is Liam?

A - Funny you mentioned them. We opened for them just as they were getting known. We are actually nothing like their personalities. I guess because we never took ourselves that seriously or have ever believed for a second that we are/were better than anyone else doing any other kind of work. We've always been very nice to others and to each other. There are times in the studio when I have to “push” Kathy to try a little harder but with the new CD we're working on now I haven't had to do that once. I've finally learned patience.

Q – What have you learned the most about the industry and how have you used what you’ve learned to assist in your career?

A - Honestly I've learned that nearly all label people don't have a fucking clue what they are doing. It's all luck. Imagine anyone given the chance to go sign 100 bands and out of that 100, two succeed and now you're considered a genius for “discovering” them. You simply exploit as many artists as possible until lightning strikes.

I have always been very good at observing others for their weakness or lack of ability and stepping in to make every attempt to dominate that particular “thing.” There are SO MANY ways to make a great living in the music industry but you have to be very committed (I always work seven days a week in the studio) and you must not follow what everyone is doing.

Q – Do you think had the Internet and music sharing not existed, your success would not be as great as it is?

A - Without a doubt our careers would be different but considering we already had our first really big cut in 1998 on the "Great Expectations" soundtrack and then were asked to do the Lilith Fair, perhaps we'd still be doing well. Hard to say.



Q – Is there a certain formula to composing songs?

A - No, other than to be completely and totally honest about what you’re writing about. The public can sense the truth and for example this is why rap has done so amazingly well. It's from real people, poetically speaking about their real lives. It cuts to the core.

Q – Your website says the new CD will be released in May 2009. Can you tell me a little bit about the album?

A - Because of the TLC success mentioned above, I decided it was time to do another Fisher CD so I just started writing and did not play a note of it for Kathy. Eight weeks later I delivered 13 songs. Over the following weeks we cut five. I wrote some new ones and we settled on the final 12.

The material is about our lives and what we've experienced over the last four years. Kathy's dad, who she was extremely close to, suddenly died in June 2006. The CD starts just prior to that moment. A little self discovery, a little unimportant common happiness, then the phone call that he was gone, then the suffering, then pulling out, and then regaining one's life after tragedy but forever changed. The guys who have played on it, Jimmy Paxson (Stevie Nicks), Jon Button (Sheryl Crow) Emerson Swinford and other musicians and producers have all thought this was by far our best work and are all more involved and enthusiastic that I've ever seen in the past. So, with any luck, and you really never know, we're on to something that will at the very least earn us another 5 star rating. (laughs) Who knows?

Q – What do you want to achieve with the new album?

A - To make people feel something. That's always been my #1 goal. If that happens again with this batch of songs I'll sleep at night.

Q – How do you think Fisher’s music has evolved from when you first came onto the scene?

A - We've learned to allow a little space, simplify tracks even more. Let things breathe. More dynamic production. More unexpected turns and twists.

Q – Anything you wanted to add?

A - I certainly hope I did not come off jaded at the majors or like I have a big ego. I'm pretty much a brutally honest person, especially with myself. I've really never had time to waste on kissing ass or playing politics. I'm way more of a street educated person than an intellectual, that's for sure!



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

"The Day the Earth Stood Still." - DVD Review.

By Bob Zerull

1 Star:

I’m not really sure why they felt the need to remake this movie. When the world ends, Keanu Reeves will most likely be the guy to inform the world. I’m dying for him make Bill & Ted, Part 3. I think George Carlin did. Hopefully he didn’t have to sit through this pile of crap otherwise known as “The Day the Earth Stood Still.”



Keanu Reeves stars as Klaatu, an alien from another universe coming to Earth to save Earth by eliminating human race. Feel free to roll your eyes. He arrives in this giant sphere thing along with this giant Oscar Trophy looking Robot (that doesn’t move). Klaatu is immediately captured and held by the US government led by Secretary of Defense Regina Jackson played by Kathy Bates.

Dr. Helen Benson played by the always reliable Jennifer Connelly breaks Klaatu out, because she believes that he may be the key to saving the human race. If she can convince Klaatu that we can change then maybe they won’t go through with the attack. Guess what happens?



Dr. Benson takes Klaatu to see Professor Barnhardt played by the hilarious John Cleese (just not hilarious in this role). Professor Barnhardt explains to Klaatu that when we’re up against the wall and we have to change, we’re capable of it. Before Klaatu can acknowledge the professor, the FBI is raiding the property looking for Klaatu and Doctor Benson.

What’s good? Jennifer Connelly and Jaden Smith (as Jennifer’s step son). Given the terrible story line those two at least do the best they can with it. Everything else is bad though. I mean they’re running from the FBI in the same car for a good chunk of the movie, then once they get cornered they take off on foot. Yet they never get caught. When Klaatu is captured, he immediately speaks and understands English. One far fetched thing after another.

When the aliens finally attack, they attack with what appears to be a trillion steal termites, give or take. They just destroy everything in their sight and reproduce every time they destroy something. The intent of this movie is to make you think, which is insulting being that the writers and filmmakers weren’t thinking when they came up with this story.



BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com. Also visit: www.cadaverchristmas.com.

“When Jeff Cesario talks, he talks and talks."

By Jason Tanamor

Jeff Cesario is best known for his stand-up comedy. What people probably don't associate the comedian with are his mad writing skills. These were evident on the HBO series' “The Larry Sanders Show” and “Dennis Miller Live,” to which both shows Cesario had a role in creating. Of course, some of you may not even have heard of Jeff Cesario, but he’s been working his tail off nonetheless, which serves as a testament on how “into” his work he really is.

I've had the great fortune of following Cesario's career, and an even greater fortune of getting to know him personally. When Cesario agreed to talk to me again, not only did I listen, I learned.



Q - So tell me, how did “Dennis Miller Live” come about?

A - Dennis and I were friends from the stand-up circuit. He'd just had a more traditional syndicated talk show that ended abruptly, and Michael Fuchs at HBO committed to six episodes with only one caveat: he wanted Dennis to include a rant. Denny had, I would say, 80% of the show mapped out. I had no experience behind the scenes, but Dennis to his credit just said, "You know me better than anyone, produce this for me." Garry Shandling helped me make the decision to take the gig. I added a couple tweaks to Denny's very strong roadmap - have the show be about one topic, dim the lights from monologue to rant, use a big screen TV to collectively write - and we cut this new TV suit out of whole cloth to fit around Dennis.

Q - You had no idea if this was even going to work?

A - That was the thrill - there was nothing like it out there, we just made it up. The show lasted nine seasons on HBO and won a duffel of Emmys, most of them for writing. I did the first three seasons and it was intoxicating, tremendous fun. What most people don't realize is that "Dennis Miller Live" was the first cable series to beat network series for a major award, like lead actor or writing. This was '94, the cable industry was still giving out Ace awards and the Emmys were nominating cable shows but then ignoring them on Finals night. Occasionally Colleen Dewhurst would win for guest appearance on a made-for-cable movie or something, but when it came to mainstream TV, and the major awards, we were the first to beat the networks. Ever.

Q - Were there ever troubles along the way?

A - Well, we were really flying blind, but you know, Houston Control says "Launch," you get in the goddamn spaceship and go for it. I remember our first episode featured some intricate essay-like writing and Dennis was shockingly stalwart considering the intense pressure he was under. But afterwards he came off immediately, two feet off-stage, looked me in the eye and said, "It's too preachy, I'm a comic, we gotta up the jokes, Jeffro!" The next week I just kept hammering the staff, myself included, for jokes that we could weave around the topic. Plus, I was freaking out because we were trying to get big name guests, a task at which we mostly failed those first six episodes, but we had a bead on Brett Butler, who was white-hot from "Grace Under Fire." She'd commit, then uncommit, and back and forth, and finally, for the first time in my then-five weeks of producing, the hair on my back went up and I just told her people, "I can't wait any longer. We'll use her later in the season." And I hung up. Which was a great feeling until I realized, "I have no guest for Friday, and it's Wednesday."

Q - What happened then?

A - I got on the horn with Jim Miller, Dennis's brother, who was building a juggernaut as a manager of good young comedic talent, including Jim Carrey. Carrey was fresh off his amazing film debut in "Ace Ventura" and in fact was up in the mountains of Colorado shooting "Dumb and Dumber." But if you can believe it, the perception in some corners of the business was that he wasn't at the time the “score” Butler would have been. But I got on with Jim Miller and I said, "Jim, I need this, we'll send a truck up to Aspen, we'll write the bit for Carrey if he wants, we'll make this as easy and painless and non-time-consuming as humanly possible, pleeeeeeaaase, pretty pleeeeeaase!" And Jim Miller sighed and said, "Okay." Only THEN did I go to Kevin Slattery and say, "Can we get a truck up to Aspen to do this as a live remote?" And only THEN did I call Carolyn Strauss and say, "Uhh, Carolyn, no live guest this week, but Jim Carrey by satellite, I promise it'll be amazing!" So Slattery starts working like a madman on the truck, I dive in with the writers to come up with bits - mind you, it's now Thursday, we're on the air LIVE in 24 hours and we have nothing locked yet. But the topic was "Fame," and fortunately Jim Carrey is impossibly talented, and I fed him a simple, dumb idea he found funny - to insist fame was not affecting him and he was still a regular guy, but to then act like the biggest asshole celeb on the planet. And Carrey took that nub and worked out the bit in his hotel in Aspen. Meanwhile, I would pass Slattery's office and he's chewing someone a new asshole on the phone - "Blizzard?! I don't want to hear it! Get chains on the fuckin' truck and get it up to Aspen!" The truck makes it there, I kid you not, 90 minutes before air. We are way, way out on thin ice.



Q - And the broadcast went off with no incident?

A - Now, one thing you have to know about Dennis - he's a gunslinger. When someone walks in firing, Dennis's game goes up to match that. So Dennis knows Jim Carrey is his guest, he respects Jim, he wants to make this special, and he burns through the monologue, hilarious, you can feel it's an electric night, and Carrey comes on, via satellite, all gosh-shucks, I'm still me, fame hasn't affected me, and then a waiter comes in with a hot chocolate on a tray that Jim had ordered, and it's not the right hot chocolate. And Jim - from a sitting position, karate-kicks the tray out of the guy's hands 30 feet in the air and then goes nose-to-nose with him, just eviscerating the poor bastard. You could hear the crowd literally yelp in shock, then instantly start belly-laughing. It was amazing. After that moment Carrey took it even higher, and Dennis was thinking so quickly on his feet that I literally couldn't move. The next 20 minutes went by in 40 seconds. We won our first Emmy for that show.

Q - So much for being “just” a writer on the show?

A - I wrote and executive produced. Fortunately, I had an experienced co-exec named Kevin Slattery who knew EVERYTHING I didn't know - crews, schedules, legal, marketing, etc. Kevin handled ALL of that so I could focus on helping Dennis get a completely new-shaped balsawood aircraft in the air. I found that producing really meant exactly that - someone would walk in your office demanding something, and you would have to produce it. It was like weird, corporate magic. From the biggest issue to the littlest detail, all presented with the same level of intensity. One day it would be, "The President of HBO is on the line and he wants to know why you're doing a show about the Death of Liberalism!" and the next day it would be, "We're out of fucking Ding Dongs in the writers' room!" The fact that I took time formulating an answer instead of just blurting something out seemed to work to my advantage. It was mistaken for calm, I think, and people started to have some ill-placed faith in me. And let me say this right now for the first time publicly, especially after an additional dozen years in the business, I KNOW there had to have been meetings between HBO and Dennis and his manager Brad Grey at which HBO tried at the very least to add an executive producer with more experience than me to the mix, and to his credit Dennis, and Brad, said no.

Q - Writers, for the most part, typically work best alone. How was it getting a bunch of writers together to work one on project?

A - I was lucky to have great writers - Kevin Rooney, Eddie Feldmann, Ed Driscoll, Greg Greenberg, Mike Dugan, David Feldman (guys who had big egos as performers themselves and certainly a healthy opinion of their own work) - and these guys did the most amazing thing, they wrote stuff COLLECTIVELY. Now, most talk shows, writers get all the assignments every morning and go into their separate little cubicles and pound out ideas hoping when Host Daddy reads them all, he picks theirs. That's the process. We certainly did that first step, but then in addition, my guys were willing to sit at a table TOGETHER and write, rewrite, and judge each other's jokes honestly. Yes, at times it was like trying to write the Constitution by locking seven Irish drunks in a room, but the show, the material, and Dennis, were stronger for it.

Q - Why did you decide to leave Dennis?

A - I knew I really wanted to write narrative stuff. You can only write so many Boutros-Boutros Ghali jokes. I had written a Jesse Helms joke - he'd said something horrific and I wrote that he claimed "he was misunderstood through his hood" - and then a week later he said some other dumb-ass thing and we had to come up with another good Jesse Helms joke, and I thought to myself, "I don't think I can do this much more, I gotta pursue my dream."

Q - Is this how you got hooked up with Garry Shandling and “The Larry Sanders Show”?

A - I moved from "DML" to Larry Sanders and was officially on staff for one season, but prior to that, I always wrote monologue jokes for Garry, for Larry. Larry always did a full talk show monologue in most episodes, and Garry didn't want it to sound lame, he wanted good jokes. I had met Garry through Dennis, ironically, back when Garry guest-hosted the "Tonight Show" in the late '80s for Johnny Carson. Garry always complemented the actual writing staff by bringing in a couple of his own guys, and Dennis would help out. I'll never forget it, they were stuck on a Tammy Faye Bakker setup and Dennis said, "Let's call my friend Jeff." On the phone Denny gives me the set-up: Tammy Faye Bakker was looking for guest hosts for her talk show, and I said, "They decided on Joan Rivers because that way, they wouldn't have to change makeup ladies.” And Garry laughed and brought me in, and I started writing jokes for him. Judd Apatow and I wound up working on I think three Grammy telecasts and one Emmy telecast that Garry hosted. Great fun, and Garry was topnotch.

So when Garry found out I was looking, he offered me a spot on his staff. I had done a Sanders script the season prior, when I was still on "DML," with Judd Apatow, and Garry had liked it. It was called "The Bump." My name had come into play on several episodes, whenever Larry was closing his show, he would always say something like, "I'd like to thank my guests Sharon Stone and Tom Petty, and my apologies to comedian Jeff Cesario, we ran out of time, we'll get him on tomorrow." And no one would ever see if I got on or not, because it was a complete 2-second throwaway. So I thought, "What if Jeff never got back on, and Larry feels so guilty for bumping him ten times that he vows to jam him into an already-jam-packed show come hell or high water?" Judd liked the premise and really energized it with a great ticking clock (and a tremendous flip-payoff to that beat that Garry came up with) and a great story line about Hank losing his dad and wanting to do a eulogy on-air. To this day, people still come up to me who are fans of that episode to say they liked it.

Q - How was it like working with some of your good friends?

A - Being on staff was amazing. It was like Narrative Camp. I would just go in every day and learn and learn, from Garry, from John Riggi the show runner (who's now on "30 Rock,") from John Vitti, a fantastic writer, and more. Peter Tolan wasn't on staff but still doing at least a script or two per season, and I loved reading his stuff because as deep and dark as that show was and his writing could get, Peter also never shied away from a great, big fat joke. Though I was a rookie as a script writer, fortunately I could bring a couple of other skills to the table. With my experience, I actually began producing the talk-show-within-the-show: I organized the monologues and pre-interviewed guests, and I think that helped that part of the show raise its game a little. I think I became a bit of cipher for Wally Langham, who played Phil the Jagoff Writer, and I'm secretly proud of that.



Q - You seem to have a bias for HBO. Did you sign a lifetime contract with the network?

A - Well, I just worked for two incredibly talented guys in Dennis and Garry who respected my work, which was a stroke of great fortune, and HBO, which was an unbelievably supportive bunch of people. These were my first two TV experiences, so even though I knew at the time they were great gigs it took me another decade to fully appreciate how good HBO was. They gave you a long, long leash. In fact, I could literally see Carolyn Strauss physically straining to keep her hand off the show, like Dr. Strangelove in the middle of his wheelchair-3rd Reich monologue. Carolyn, Michael Fuchs, Jeff Bewkes, Chris Albrecht, good people who just said, "Better let the talent run with it." I can't wait to get another project placed over there.

Q - Working is one thing. How was it like writing with Dennis Miller?

A - You couldn't ask for better situations, because whatever the public perception of them, both Dennis and Garry believed 100% in the strength of the written word and were ridiculously talented writers themselves, so they KNEW how hard writing a good joke was. They never, never once, pissed on a writer or casually laid the blame at "the staff's" feet when a joke went belly up. And for as cranky as Dennis could get about certain things he never once went off on a writer. He was a breeze to write jokes for. He used to say, "Don't worry about 'my voice.' Just write a great joke, I'll give it a Dennis Miller feel." That is an incredibly freeing thing to say to young writers. He didn't run his staff based on fear, he ran it based on respect. Dennis had a great eye for talent, too. He found writers in nooks and crannies other people never bothered to check out. And he loved to write as well.

Q - And Garry?

A - Garry was just unbelievably talented. Watching him break a story is what I imagine it was like watching Bill Walsh come up with a game plan during the heyday of the Joe Montana 49ers. I remember once Garry came into the writers' room after a week of us writing and punching and polishing, the day before shooting, and he said, "I got it - we need to start the story where it ends. That's the episode." And we tore the script up and started again and damned if he wasn't right. He was, honestly, ALWAYS right about story. Just an internal magnet in which he had complete trust. He always wrote past the story too, just out there exploring to see if where the story currently ended is where it should in fact, end. And as neurotic as he was about characters and their emotional roots, he also - I'm guessing from his great stand-up muscle - would hit a joke HARD when it was teed up. I remember an episode - "Hank's Jewish Roots" - which I believe was a Tolan script. Hank Kingsley decides he's Jewish and for the first time ever, Hank gets serious about it, he's not a silly puppet, he believes in the tenets of Judaism, he's not taking the yarmulke off on air, despite threats, despite camera angles that cut him off at the forehead, despite ridicule - Hank is finally making an honest-to-God STAND. And we were struggling with how we finally crowbar him out of it, and Garry said, "What if Artie walks in and says, 'Hank, the orange juice people called, they're pulling you as their spokesman.' And Hank immediately yanks off the yarmulke and says, 'Well, that's that.'" Such a big joke and a perfect ending for Hank.

Q - How much rewriting was involved on a given episode?

A - That varied. This was not a typical sitcom. Garry wrote from a dramatic template and just searched for the funny moments from that reality, or actually just let those moments bubble up. He had great faith in his cast as well, and built into the process run-throughs in which Rip Torn, Jeffrey Tambor, Janeane Garofalo, Penny Johnson, Wally, all of them - got to toss in suggestions. I think Peter Tolan and Judd Apatow had the highest batting averages - they probably hit 50% of the script on the first draft. Everyone else was down in the 30% range. I was at about 10%, at least the first half of the season. But John Riggi ran a great room, and punch-up sessions were always loose and invigorating.

Q - I think most people know you as a stand-up comedian. How is the writing process different for stand-up versus that of a television show?

A - Well, writing stand-up for myself is great, because I trust the guy delivering the joke. And I know I'll find something there, either on the page or in the ether between me and the crowd. I will try a lot of different stuff in my stand-up. For a while there, I was trying to be the cleverest guy in the room, and then around 2000 I realized how exhausted I was from that and how it ignored some of the things I'm good at organically, things I'd done earlier in my career but had let lay dormant because I thought I needed to be a perfect little monologist. So in 2000, 2001, I started getting into longer bits, some autobiographical stories, some voices, some character work. I'm amazed at guys like Greg Proops, Patton Oswalt, Paul Tompkins and so many others who just unzip and let 'er swing on stage, really, genuinely loose. And wildly funny. I'm still a “page” guy, but I'm exploring more and more.

As a stand-up, I'm the Guy - writer, director, performer. On a sitcom, I'm the guy helping the Guy. That right there brings a more supportive, collaborative attitude to the job. In either case, my job is to make "The Guy" look good. I always admired pianist Herbie Hancock, because he was one of the best sidemen in jazz and also one of the best leaders. I'm looking to be the Herbie Hancock of comedy.

Q - What do you prefer doing, stand-up comedy or creating/producing/writing for television?

A - Stand-up is such a rush, there's nothing like it. C'mon, people laughing at shit I made up? Then, to actually survive and realize I need to get better, and to actually feel myself getting better as a performer and a story teller, and generally, just getting better at being me on stage, it's ridiculous fun. Unless the opener sucks, then fuck what I just said. But to then create a show or a movie idea that was always just "living room" fun, until it actually happened for real on "Jack Frost," and my ideas came to fruition, and that's a whole other drug. I was one of four guys who wrote on the film, and I was the last. And I remember writing a scene, I had to do it in like, 25 minutes, for Kelly Preston and Joseph Walsh, commiserating over the loss of dad Michael Keaton, and I had her put marshmallows carefully in Joseph's hot cocoa, one, two, three - then to break the emotional tension, I thought, "why doesn't she just dump the bag in there?" And then like, ten minutes later, it's ON FILM and people are yelling "cut!" and "print!" and I'm thinking, "Holy shit, I was kinda only FIGURING that might be a good idea!" And then it shows up on the screen, and thank God, it worked. It helps to have Kelly Preston and Joseph Cross and Michael Keaton. I'm hooked, and I'm determined to make funny movies.



Q - You are a huge sports nut, particularly the University of Wisconsin, to which you share your opinions on "Rome is Burning" and "Sportalicious." How much fun is it to rip on today's athletes like Barry Bonds, Michael Vick and Martina Hingis?

A - I love the way you just tossed Martina Hingis on the bonfire there. The odds are small she'd find her way to this story, but what if she does? She's sitting there in a Ritz Carlton somewhere waiting on a $37 grilled cheese to get wheeled into her suite on a Mercedes Benz AMG drink cart and she reads that question and thinks, "Who the fuck is Jeff Cesario?" Oh yeah, I'll catch the flak, because no one ever thinks, "who's the guy asking the questions?" They just zoom in on the purported subject of the interview and blast both barrels. "How DARE he toss me in a dumpster with those two dickheads!"

Right now for a comic writing sports stuff, it's like Europe when they discovered absinthe. It's crazy, you begin to believe it will never end. I have mellowed to the point where I'll choose silly over caustic many times, just because, hey on some level, everybody's just trying to get through the day, you know? But if someone really obviously deserves it, I'll try to find an angle that feels like it's mine and is a bit fresh. This last week on Sportalicious the headline was, "Bonds Enters Not Guilty Plea Telepathically Through Now-Giant Cranium."

Q - Is there a certain method to your writing mayhem?

A - I used to write religiously and sort of follow a "who-what-when-where-why?" approach, which is great for nailing rock-solid jokes on virtually any premise. But the last five years or so in my own stand-up, I've consciously gotten away from that, just in an attempt to say only shit that really pops in my head, only stuff I really feel. I want to relax and find the most natural path to what I think is funny. Put it this way, I've got both fart jokes and a tracheotomy bit in my act now, and it's freeing. They're there because I think they're funny. It was kind of scary at first when I couldn't come up with a joke on a subject, because I would NEVER give up in the past, I was just like a pit bull latched onto a premise even if there was no meat on it, it was just instinct. But now I just go, "You know something? I don't really care about Viagra. So guess what, no joke there."

Q - You’ve always been my favorite interview because of your wealth of information and the stories you share. Will there or has there ever been a sitcom for Jeff Cesario?

A - Not really. I had a sitcom script deal at NBC that didn't go to pilot. Here are possibly two reasons I didn't get into that world:

1. I was always interested in writing and producing my own thing and consequently never developed relationships with the guys in the TV trenches who are today's sitcom creators and show runners.

2. I never thought there was much about me or my act that translated easily to the sitcom form. I always thought I was more of a talk show guy, or some sort of hybrid show, or hell with it, just go act in someone else's thing. Even now I wouldn't build a sitcom around me, but I'd write something I felt passionate about and then see if there was a part in there somewhere for me.

Q - Let’s just say you were given your own show. What would that entail?

A - Legally because of the strike I'm not allowed to pitch, even to you. That's only 1/4 joke. I have a single-cam spec script I've done that I think is solid and I'd love to sell it and sneak in there in a small juicy roll as a guy on the down escalator. And I'm working on a very unique talk show concept with Joe Furey and Adam Felber, two insanely talented guys. But beyond that, you're gettin' nothin' from me, pal, or I'm sure someone will have it bastardized on YouTube by tonight and getting 400,000 hits because they've put a 19-year-old nearly naked coed in it.

Q - Being a writer, is it hard to see your work changed in the creative process?

A - That's just a muscle you have to develop, one that might be a little harder for stand-ups to exercise. But the simple answer is this: If I respect who's changing it, I'm on board 100%. If I don't, it's trouble. Like, no sweat ever working with Dennis, or Garry, or working dialogue on "Jack Frost" with Michael Keaton. Stupid fun. That wasn't even work. That was spitballing over coffee. So to keep the ulcers to a minimum, I try to only work with people I respect.

Q - Do you ever feel like the writing changes are for the worse and NOT the better?

A - God, yes. I've had people completely eliminate punch lines. Just not know it was the punch line, not know it was the LAUGH, and just take it out like a soft peach in a produce fridge. But again, nowadays, I just figure, "They're the ones making the call, so it's their call. Now, go home and try to work it so I'M THE GUY makin' the call."

Q - What’s on the burner for you now?

A - The two TV projects I mentioned above, plus a simple roundtable idea and two movie scripts - one I'm hoping to sell to a director who has expressed interest, as soon as the strike ends, and another I'm trying to raise money for and shoot myself. I can't give you any details or I'll have to jump off the roof of the building next to yours and fly into your open hotel room like Matt Damon in "The Bourne Ultimatum" and then snap your neck.

Q - All right then. How can people learn more about you?

A - My sports website, Sportalicious.com. It's more of a blog that I get to freshen once a week, every Tuesday. My DVD, “You Can Get a Hooker Tomorrow Night,” available at JeffCesario.com.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

"Newspapers are a treat, not a tweet."

By Melvin Durai

It's been a tough year for the newspaper industry in America. So tough that one major newspaper has printed its own obituary (rest in peace, Rocky Mountain News), another has ended its print edition (see you online, Seattle Post-Intelligencer) and a third is writing its last will and testament (you're like family to me, San Francisco Chronicle).



Many other newspapers are taking drastic steps to prevent their demise, such as cutting their staff, publishing fewer times per week, and combining the "Sports" and "News" sections into a single section called "Spews."

Yes, newspapers in America are in deep trouble. They've given President Obama so much love, but what does he do? He kisses the auto industry's rear bumper.

I don't know about you, but I really hope my local newspaper keeps arriving at my doorstep. My wife doesn't like it when I take the computer into the bathroom. I don't know why I bothered getting a computer desk with wheels.

Actually, I usually use a laptop, which is small and light, but still not bathroom-approved. Even if I used a Blackberry, it probably wouldn't give me the same satisfaction as turning actual pages - or sticking an editorial onto the toilet roll.

There's something special about a newspaper that laptops or Blackberries or iPhones will never replace. When Obama won the presidency, millions of Americans saved the next day's newspaper, realizing that it was a copy of history that their grandchildren or great-grandchildren would one day be able to auction off.



I like the printed newspaper, but I admittedly get most of my news online. I love being able to read the latest news just by turning my laptop on. I love being able to find out, at any minute of the day, what Michelle Obama is wearing.

While the "new media" give me most of my news, I also rely on the "old media," not just the printed newspaper, but also television, radio and, to a lesser extent, smoke signals.

The smoke signals usually give me the most urgent news: something on the stove is burning. Either that or my wife doesn't like my latest column.

If everyone was like me, perhaps the printed newspaper would survive, if not the entire paper, then at least the comics page. But the younger generation has taken to electronic media like Mike Tyson to jelly doughnuts.

They get their news online and they get it for free. They use all sorts of electronic devices, not just iPhones and Blackberries, but also BlackPhones and iBerries. They keep informed through Yahoo!, Google and various social networking sites. They know how to Digg it, Tweet it and tell everyone that they've Reddit.

The younger generation has little use for the printed newspaper. I realized this when I handed a newspaper to a teen-ager and watched him turn the pages, look puzzled and ask, "How do I get to YouTube?"

While people like me are still trying to figure out Twitter, youngsters are sharing all sorts of news with their friends, sending out tweets like these:

- "I did it! I finally did it! I got rid of that pimple on my nose!"

- "This is the worst day of my life. I can't believe they voted Megan off AI!"

- "OMG! Did you see what Michelle Obama is wearing?"

BYLINE:

Melvin Durai is a Manitoba-based writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and has lived in North America since the early 1980s. Read his humor blog at http://www.Nshima.com Write to him at comments@melvindurai.com.

“Dead Like Me: Life After Death.” – DVD Review.

By Jason Tanamor

3 1/2 Stars:

Fans of the series, “Dead Like Me” are in for a treat with the 2009 release of the movie version titled, “Dead Like Me: Life After Death.”

Kind of.



As you may remember about the series, which ended prematurely after two seasons, Georgia “George” Lass gets killed by a flying toilet seat that falls to the Earth when a space station explodes. Instead of dying like everyone else, George has to live her death as a Grim Reaper, taking the souls of soon to be dead people. In the series, George is joined by her fellow reapers, Mason (Callum Blue), Daisy (Laura Harris), and Roxy (Jasmine Guy), who all follow the lead of their boss, Rube (Mandy Patinkin). Rube, whose old school system included Post-It notes with dying people’s names on them, would hand out each reaper’s assignment, which then entailed the reaps of these individuals by being touched before they die. This all takes place in their morning meeting location, Der Waffle Haus.

The series was fun, and much of the story revolved around George’s distant relationship with her surviving family, most particularly her sister Reggie (Britt McKillip).



The movie, which takes place five years after George’s death, sees the group of reapers reunite to find out that their boss Rube has moved on and that their waffle restaurant has burned to the ground. Their new boss, Cameron Kane (Henry Ian Cusick) - a far cry from Rube’s old school, funny way of showing that he cares, style of leading who trades in the Post-It notes for fancy PDA’s – is a slick businessman who uses the reapers to capitalize on death by giving them anything they want. When Cameron gets the group of reapers to buy into his philosophy by not taking souls for personal gain, their lives turn upside down. Daisy (played by Sarah Wynter and not Laura Harris) and Mason become drunk partiers, Roxy, instead of taking a soul, saves the life to get an award from her superior, and George misses a reap, only to discover that her missed appointment is her sister’s secret boyfriend.

While the rest of the group kick themselves for not following Rube’s rules, George goes off on her own to make up for unresolved issues in the series. I’m not going to go into the movie anymore because I’ll spoil it. The movie was given 3 ½ stars because it really wasn’t that spectacular. The series was far better. I loved the series, how each one played off of each other, and watched the movie because of that reason. Plus, not getting Laura Harris to play Daisy was a disservice for fans that waited years for this.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

"Mike Tramp of White Lion talks music, then and now."

By Jason Tanamor

My favorite hair band in the 1980's was White Lion. They had fun pop rock songs with some hellacious guitar riffs and solos that set themselves apart from the rest of the '80's rock bands. And although I've outgrown the music, I occasionally pop in a White Lion CD to reminisce about my Jean jacket wearing teenage days. Now, 20 something years later, I'm able to relive the time with one of the best frontmen in that era - Mike Tramp of White Lion.



Q - You were part of the quote unquote hair band explosion in the '80s and early '90s. With music coming in trends, do you think heavy metal will ever come back as strong as it did?

A - I really hate when people call the '80s a decade of hair. What about all the great albums. More great albums came out of the 80's than the '90s or 2k. No it won't come back, the world is a different place and so is the music business.

Q - How was the transition like from essentially an unknown garage band to playing arenas to seeing the dissipation of heavy metal and going back to playing smaller venues?

A - No big deal, it's the natural way of life. One day you run like the wind. The next day you sit in a wheel chair eating baby food cause you're teeth are all gone.

Q - What do you think was the cause for the sudden change in musical atmosphere?

A - Again changes are what has made the world. And it's natural for a culling to happen, which is what happened when there was just too much '80s.

Q - Lately, there¹s been a resurgence of 80s bands making comebacks, such as Motley Crue. Do you think White Lion will ever do something like this with its original members?

A - Motley is about the only one that could do it, and no others will do it. No, there is no original White Lion, only Tramps White Lion, and that will end for good at the end of the year.

Q - I’ve been noticing a lot of bands grabbing pieces from other bands, such as Reb Beach going to Dokken and Warrant replacing Jani Lane with someone and also Vito Bratta leaving White Lion for, I think, Warren DiMartini. I’ve always thought certain bands had distinct sounds, such as Vito¹s guitar being a staple in White Lion and Reb’s in Winger¹s. What do you think about continuing a band with different members AND do you feel like it¹s the same band or a different band with the same name?

A - Reb didn't leave Winger they had broken up. Vito never left White Lion, he stopped playing the day White Lion broke up. People sometimes leave their job because they hate it or because they can't get more money at another job, and rock'n'roll is no different.



Q - On VH1, they do a series of shows that focus on when metal rules the world and also the top metal moments and least metal moments. Do you think this is a forecast to metal making a comeback?

A - No, they are just out of original ideas.

Q - I, personally, enjoyed White Lion¹s style of music and even saw you guys when you came to my hometown (Davenport, Iowa) ten or so years ago. How do you think your music was and is different than band¹s that are out now?

A - It's been 15 years since White Lion played its last show in the USA. I don't know what's different, except the natural progression in music that has occurred over the past 20 years since my songs were written.

Q - What do you think about shows like American Idol and other reality shows that promise the world without having to pay any dues or go through the same struggles that traditional musicians would go through?

A - I hate them, but this is where the entertainment world is today. If you haven't noticed, I removed myself from that world a decade ago.

Q - How has your music changed since the 80s?

A - You and the rest of the people should listen to it and find out for yourself. That's how I do when I buy new albums.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

"Role Models." - Movie Review.

By Bob Zerull

4 1/2 Stars:

When I was a kid in school, there was this program called Big Brothers Big Sisters. It was so successful, it’s still around today. Not that I’m fairly old or anything, but still. The idea behind it is great. Kids hang out with mentors to learn about life, career, etc. My big brother’s name was Frank Johnson. I learned a great deal from him. One day, he disappeared. I thought it was something I did, but I later found out via news specials and newspapers that Frank Johnson’s real name was Brad Johannson. He was a career criminal. Funny that we never went over THAT career. But his stint in the program was court ordered. How fun for me. So when I saw the trailer to the movie, “Role Models” I thought, “Frank Johnson?”



“Role Models” stars Paul Rudd as Danny Donahue an energy drink representative who travels around to schools promoting their drink while keeping kids off drugs. Rudd was great in “Anchorman,” but it wasn’t until “The 40 Year Old Virgin” that I realized how funny this guy was. In the movie, Rudd’s partner goes by the name Wheeler, played by Sean William Scott (of “American Pie” fame). Wheeler plays the mascot which is a Minotaur (named after the energy drink). Wheeler is an immature dumbass who likes to party everyday while Rudd’s Danny only likes to party part of everyday.

After Danny’s girlfriend (played by the always reliable Elizabeth Banks) breaks up with him (due to the fact that he is dickish), he snaps on stage which ultimately leads to their arrest. They are facing 30 days in jail, or 120 hours community service. The community service is similar to a Big Brother program. Danny and Wheeler are each assigned a kid.



Danny gets Augie (played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse – “McLovin”) a teenager obsessed with L.A.I.R.E (which in real life is referred to as L.A.R.P or Live Action Role Playing) which is kind of like Dungeons and Dragons. Mintz-Plasse proved there may be more to his movie career beyond McLovin. Don’t get me wrong, he will always be known as McLovin but the kid is funny and can act.

Wheeler gets assigned to Ronnie, a foul mouthed 10 year old. Ronnie is played by Bobb’e J. Thompson, a real up and comer. He holds his own with Rudd, Scott and McLovin. In many ways Thompson steals the show. His character Ronnie created a comic book character for himself known as “The Booby Watcher.” He delivers his lines so perfectly you’d think Samuel L. Jackson was delivering them. I hope to see this kid around for years to come.

Rudd was one of the writers of “Role Models.” After seeing this movie, I have to assume that the original script was written to be PG-13. The premise is simple, a couple guys sign up in a Big Brother-esque program to avoid jail time. They don’t want to be there, but they learn to really like the kids, their selfishness puts a dent in their friendship, but it all leads to a sappy, happy ending. That part hasn’t really changed. The part that has changed is that this went from PG-13 to a hard R. That sappy, happy ending ends up being genius here. I’m not even going to attempt to give it away, because I didn’t see it coming until it happened and it made it all the more funnier.

Similar to a “Knocked UP” or “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” this is essentially a chick flick for guys. If you’re a fan of Sean William Scott, Paul Rudd or really any of the Judd Apatow films (Apatow was not associated with ”Role Models”) then you’ll enjoy “Role Models.”

BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com. Also visit: www.cadaverchristmas.com.