“Muse Watson is comfortable with his celebrity.”

By Jason Tanamor

Muse Watson, who has appeared on screen, stage and television, recently sat down with Zoiks! Online to talk about his body of work.



Q - How and when did you get your start in acting?

A - I was a student at Berea College in Berea, Kentucky. After losing my music stipend and being kicked out of Louisiana Tech because of discipline problems, I landed in Berea, where my sister lived, on my way to New York to "see the world." With encouragement from my sister, I enrolled in Berea. Transferring my credits to Berea left me short of a freshmen speech course which I had to take. It was taught by Paul Power, the director of the drama lab. He announced he was directing "Taming of the Shrew" and wanted to see some new faces at the auditions. Never being one to let my classes interfere with my education, I had bought a set of classic literature books which I would read instead of studying. Books of Montaigne, Cicero, and Socrates. So I went home and got down my "Complete Works of Shakespeare" and read the play and decided I could portray Petruchio. After having a bunch of Jack Daniels for courage, I left for the auditions. Paul would tell me later that his best friend and professor were walking home with him and when he said that I sounded too much like "Clark Gable," his friend said, "Clark Gable might have made a good Petruchio." I got the role. A leading role in my first play. Berea revived their "Out Door Drama" called "Wilderness Road" and I got my first paying gig. The director hired for the show invited me to go on tour with "Man of La Mancha" in the Carolinas and my acting career was off and running.

Q - You’ve been in a number of films and television shows, “I Know What You Did Last Summer,” “NCIS” and “Prison Break,” just to name a few. But if you ask the everyday person who Muse Watson is, they may not be able to identify you. Is that just another day in Hollywood?

A - Well, I am certainly known better by people in the business in Hollywood for my work than with the general public, but that is changing. The recent television work I have done has made me a lot more "known" in public. I used to be recognized occasionally, but now, I can not go anywhere, the store, or gas station without someone connecting me with one of my roles. Generally, it's DB Cooper from “Prison Break” or Mike Franks from “NCIS.” Sometimes they are not sure and say things like, "Are you an actor?" or "You look just like the guy on ‘NCIS.’" On the Internet Movie Database, they have what they call a "Star Meter" where everyone who has ever been credited in a film or TV show is listed according to how many times people have searched for their name or they have been in the news. Basically hype or celebrity. This list includes everyone from the guy who was an extra in a black and white silent film to the top "reality" stars of current TV shows. There are literally millions of names. It is generally felt that if you are at 10,000 or below, you are a serious player in Hollywood. My Star Meter number hovers around 5,000. Not bad for a guy nobody knows, right? My best number was around 600 after the premier of "I Know What You Did Last Summer," but generally I stay around 4 or 5 thousand. Considering it includes everyone who has been credited as a writer, actor, director, or the current reality star, for all time, millions of people, and that old guys like me don't get listed higher than the young stars who IMDB thinks will be big stars someday, I am known by more people than you might think.

Q - Being a character actor, do you ever get envious of your really famous colleagues like Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise?

A - I am comfortable with my celebrity. I would like to have more money, but I am really not envious of their "famous" status. If I had more money I could do more to help others. I wish I could do more to bring the arts back into the schools, but I do ok. I make a living. I have two homes. One in Los Angeles and a 60 acre ranch in the foothills of the Smokies in Tennessee with white water stream, cliffs and caves and waterfalls, and a beautiful home.

What I do feel envious of is Tom Hank's career path. He played the same androgynous character over and over until he got the notoriety he needed to be known to the public. Once he had himself established in everyone's mind, he used his celebrity to land gigs which proved he was a great actor. I came to town determined to prove I was an actor first, so I made all of my roles as different as possible. Consequently, I am not as known as I would need to be to make the extreme bucks.



Q - Out of all the characters you’ve played, which resembles Muse Watson the person the most?

A - Probably Hank Corrigan, from the Julia Roberts picture "Something to Talk About." Lasse Halstrom, the director told me not to act. He said he had hired me because he thought I was Hank Corrigan and that I should "please" not act. That's a slap in the face to a young actor starting out. But once you have been in the business for awhile you start to understand what he was saying. In fact, if I had continued to do Hank Corrigan over and over till the public got who I was, I might have had Tom Hanks’ career. LOL

Q - People not in the industry probably think actors have easy times landing roles after they’ve been in numerous projects. What’s the reality of landing parts in TV and film?

A - Well, it's never easy to continue to work in this business. Even established “household names” can have trouble getting work if they haven't worked in awhile. And if they have been doing the same character for awhile it is hard to land a job doing something different from what the public has seen you do.

I have been rejected for every conceivable excuse. I have been too ugly, too pretty, too tall, too short, too white, too European looking, or required too much money. One casting director even told my agent that I was a "dirt" actor. He explained that there are “dirt” actors and “carpet” actors, and that because I was an actor that no one could ever see as a character who wore a suit, I was a “dirt” actor. LOL, I made it my life's work to find a job in a suit after hearing that.

The closest thing the public has to compare is a strictly commission salesman. A person who makes money only when they make a sale. Repeat sales are the key, and for the actor, the same is true. Once you get to know folks, you expect them to hire you again. I remember working for a well known director, Mick Jackson, on a feature about an insane asylum. I played one of the guards and he had hired a local fellow who had actually been a guard at the now closed hospital we were shooting at, to play one of the guards with lines. The fellow could not stop talking. He told them what it was really like and told all of the actors and extras how many words he was hired to say and how many scenes he was in ad nausea. The director was in trouble. Every scene that involved the local guy was taking way too long to shoot because he would not shut up. So when I arrived, the director saw me and heard me and decided to take the lines away from the local and give them to me. He was very appreciative of me "saving his film." But there were other problems on the set and with production, and the director ended up not having a particularly great experience on the film. Years later, I was in front of him again to audition and was expecting him to 'repay' me by casting me in this big studio picture he was doing. Unfortunately, all he could remember about the film was that it was a bad experience for him and that part of it had to do with the people playing the guards. He could not wait for me to get out of the audition and I did not get the job.

As an actor, you start over every morning trying to find work. If you get work, like a studio picture that is going to keep you busy for awhile - look out. When you get done with that picture, but it has not come out, you have an awful time getting folks to see you because they haven't heard your name lately. You must keep your name out there at all times. One of the longest times I ever went without work was right after finishing a string of films, "I Know What You Did Last Summer," "From Dusk til Dawn II" ( shot in Africa ), "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer," etc.



Q - Do you still go through grueling audition processes or do you find yourself, based on reputation, getting jobs on referral or name/face recognition?

A - I get offers on about half of my work without auditioning. In fact, seven of the last 10 have been straight offers. Some directors want to see everyone and some directors like Brett Ratner, only want to see the finalist for the larger roles. Some want to meet you to find out if you are a match for their "be a family" type of production and some want to see you because they want to match you up with the other cast members. I knew I wasn't going to get "Horse Whisperer" when I saw the rest of the cast. My face was too angular to be in a film with all those angular leads. I knew they would go with a rounded face guy. LOL, and they did.

Q - What role or roles was your proudest and why?

A - I really have the feeling, and have for some time, that my best work is still to come. I am still wanting to do a modern day Don Quixote story, and if I do it will come close to my finest hour, I am sure. I have done the role in "Man of La Mancha" in three different productions and I know from the audience’s reaction to those performances and the process I went through in getting to know the character that it could be my finest hour. I was very proud of my performance in the Julia Roberts, Robert DuVall picture "Something to Talk About." Funny, isn't it, that that role was mostly me. LOL, but it was the entire experience. I had done "Sommersby" with Jodie Foster and "Dick" Gere but it was a small role and did not take the time nor have the feeling of being on location as long or have the interaction with the big stars as the Julia Roberts picture. I mean I was actually visiting with Kyra Sedgwick, Dennis Quaid, and Gena Rowlands. We took a Christmas hiatus during which I ask if I could stay on location and help tend to the horses. My thought was that if I didn't ride the horse during the break that I would be riding a green horse during the crucial filming of the Gran Prix when shooting resumed. When Paula Weinstein and Warner Brothers casting VP Marion Doughtery found out I had stayed on location to ride and shovel horse dung, they were so impressed they told me then that if I would move to Hollywood they would help me with my career. Lassa Halstrom seconded the recommendation that it was time for me to go to Hollywood. I did and they did. Marion got me my first Hollywood based picture, "Assassins" with Sly Stallone and Antonio Banderas after I had only been in town a few days and then got me signed with my first Hollywood agent after I finished filming with Sly. She had "discovered" De Niro and DuVall and now me. LOL. So, not only was I proud of the performance in the picture but it was turning into a break out role for me.

Q – How is working on a film different than working on a television show?

A - Nuance. That is the biggest difference. When filming TV, you don't have time for nuance. The differences between the two have become muddled with low budget indies shooting in 21 days and TV pilots, like Brett Ratner does, shooting like a feature, but basically, film shoots about three pages of script a day while it is not uncommon to shoot 10 pages a day for TV. At that speed, nuance is lost. Like I said, the differences have become muddled, but when you compare the performances in the two, you are more likely to get a complete character with depth of meaning in gesture, intonation and facial expression when you spend more time on lighting and camera angles.



Q – Do you prepare differently for each medium?

A - I normally prepare extensively before I arrive at the set. So for me, at least, there is little difference in preparation for each medium, but I do see a difference in other actors, and it appears to me that they do less preparation for TV. Maybe it is a function of casting and they actually find that they play themselves more often on TV than in film. For regular cast members it can be a function of being given script changes on the day or just having too much work. But that is a misunderstanding of character development if you ask me. Even if the character is written for you, the circumstances and situations are generally not autobiographical and rehearsal and study at home is indicated in either situation. I work with mirrors a lot. I want to be sure that the feeling I am projecting is actually reading on my face. I check myself with others too, not that they know I am rehearsing, but I will try to convey a character's feelings with an expression and ask if they know what I am thinking. I also work with dogs. I find dogs to be full of raw emotion. If I can get a dog to put his hackles up with a look, that look is going to scare the hell out of an audience. Conversely, if I can get the dog to wag his tail, I'm ready for Nickelodeon. LOL

Q – I loved your character, Mike Franks, in “NCIS.” Was this character written like this or did you change it to suit your acting style?

A - Well, this character was creator Don Bellisario's ideas as written by Shane Brennan. Mark Harmon told me that Don had a special feeling about his character, Gibbs. We both agreed that if he felt that way about Gibbs, then Gibbs's mentor would be similarly affected by Don's conception. As I understood Don's idea, Mike was a cranky ole ruff and ready guy, who knew no other love but tough love. Mark gave me a book entitled, "Special Agent, Vietnam" by Douglass Hubbard Jr. It is a naval intelligence memoir. Mark wrote inside the cover that he thought "Franks and Gibbs would both understand." This book was extremely helpful to me. But I got to tell you, Mike's voice came to me in the preparation for the audition. I can't tell you why, but it just seemed to fit appropriately to what I was feeling with Mike Franks. The smoking obsession was Don's. The anal precision with which he moves is mine. So I think we are both on the same page as to the character and the entire nuance I have given him has only completed Don's idea.

Q – Which actor or director did you learn the most from and why?

A - The first director I ever had directed me as Petruchio in "Taming of the Shrew" at Berea College. His name was Paul Power. I probably learned more from him than anyone. I have been impressed on the set with camera shots or lighting by some of the best directors working today, but my work ethic, style of character development and temperament on the set is all directly related to what I learned from Paul. Paul always impressed you with the work that must be done to create a character and there are no shortcuts. He also was keenly aware of the purpose of what we were doing and that is to tell a story. So he was always sensitive to the presentation and how it entertained the audience. He once said to me, "We'll take our intermission here because the audience has to pee." I am easy to work with on set because Paul taught me that I am one color in the director's palette. I clean my trailer and hang up my wardrobe at wrap because Paul taught me that I was to be a team player.

Q – Being in as many projects as you’ve been in, do you still get, or did you ever get, starry eyes being around so many celebrities?

A - Not really. For one thing, I do so much preparation at home that by the time I get to the set their celebrity is a distraction from the work. I am already relating to them as the character so I don't have many thoughts of what their IMDB Star Meter might be or who they may be seeing or what an honor it is to be in their presence. I did get a little starry eyed when I worked with Andy Griffith for the first time, but after a few minutes I was back to the task at hand. Andy made the transition easier by not being very approachable. It was, for a second, disappointing. But since I shot him in the scene, it worked. LOL.

Q – Anything you want to promote or add?

A – Muse Watson demo reel and character tribute videos are now on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=musewatson

Muse Watson credits, photos, and bio on the official web site: http://www.musewatson.com

Want to ask Muse a question or find out the latest on his current shows? Visit the Muse Watson Club on Yahoo at: http://movies.groups.yahoo.com/group/musewatsonclub/



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“Terminator Salvation” - Movie Review.

By Bry Schulz

3 Stars:

At first glance and from a chick’s perspective, “Terminator Salvation” was awesome. There were hot dudes. There were loud noises. There were some good rock songs. And there was even a little romance. But chicks’ perspectives on action flicks aren't exactly the kind that matter. (I'm a chick and even I get that). No amount of hot dudes turned into robots will make a beloved action franchise successful. It has to come from the heart. And in my chick-y opinion, and after more contemplation and popcorn, that's what this movie was lacking.



Back in the day, 1984 to be exact-ish, James Cameron put his heart into a now infamous action movie, “The Terminator.” What the original had in spades the newest Terminator lacks, and that's depth. The characters in the first Terminator movie were developed and kept developing over the last 20 years. I think fans of the movies wanted to see more of that.



While the debut of Christian Bale as John Connor had the possibility of being totally awesome, it failed to produce. Bale did give the character’s role some credibility but he should have had a lot more screen time. Newcomer Sam Worthington plays Marcus Wright, a super hot new breed of Terminator. Marcus helps John Connor keep history alive by making sure no one kills Kyle Reese.

See, the whole movie revolves around making sure Kyle Reese is alive to go back in time. In the first Terminator, Kyle goes to 1984, gets it on with Sarah Connor, gets her pregnant and she has the one and only John Connor. None of the rest of the movies can happen with out John Connor. The franchise would be moot with out him. So his survival is vital, especially if your name is Arnold Schwarzenegger or Linda Hamilton and you'd like to have an acting career. Without spoiling too much for you I'll just say the franchise is safe to breathe easy that all will play out the way it should.

While in my chick-y opinion the movie did have some great explosions and some fantastic walkie-talkie acting ala Christian Bale, it could have been better. It could have made my ears ring. It could have given me vision spots from bright explosions. It could have made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside with the robot/human romance (yes, there's love in the air in this movie). But the movie failed to bring all those things to their fullest potential. It left me feeling like somewhere, in a dark cinema, James Cameron is smacking himself in the forehead. Poor guy.

BYLINE:

Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable.

“Mitch Fatel is the muffin man.”

By Jason Tanamor

“I just love being creative. Whether it’s writing an article for Playboy, answering interview questions, writing a sitcom or a Tonight Show correspondence piece, anything that involves creating something that wasn’t there a few moments ago, I embrace.”

This is what Mitch Fatel, comedian and all around good guy, says about whatever it is he’s doing. Zoiks! Online had the chance to sit down with him for a quick Q&A.



Question - At what age did you start your comedy career?

Fatel - I started doing comedy when I was 15 years old. I used to go on stage in my pajamas and say that I had to get up early for school the next day. That was the funniest thing I said, after that it was all downhill and fast. After my first show ever I asked my mom how I did and she said, ‘Let’s face it Mitch, you died.’ So, of course, with support like that, how could you not continue to pursue a career? Actually the next CD or DVD I put out is going to have audio footage of some shows I did when I was 15. We thought the tapes were lost but my friend just found them in his barn upstate where I had stored them years ago. They are truly “the lost tapes.”

Question - Describe a typical day for you.

Fatel - Wake up, cry, shower, cry a bit more, write, gym, nap, write, answer mail, send out tapes, show, happy, go home and sleep (rinse and repeat).

Question - What time of day do you write?

Fatel - I actually write two times a day. Once when I wake up for a half hour and once after my nap for a half hour as well. There’s something about writing after you wake up that really lets you be creative. It’s as if all your walls are down and your mind is just awake. I heard that Einstein never really slept, he would work until he was drowsy, then he would hold a bunch of marbles in his hand until he passed out, the marbles falling would wake him and then he would work on his theories. He said that period between sleep and lucidness was when he was at his most creative. I’m not saying I’m an Einstein here but I have found that that’s when I write my funniest stuff. (Actually I am saying I’m an Einstein, a retarded Einstein if you will)

Question - When you write, do you have a goal to reach?

Fatel - No, goals like that don’t work. You can’t really say, ‘I'm going to write a joke.’ You can say, ‘I'm going to write and whatever happens, happens.’ To be creative the worst thing you can do is try to force yourself to do something. I think being creative is accessing a childlike quality within you and just like your father yelling at you to hit a baseball. I don't think you can yell at yourself to write a joke. I just start writing and if a joke comes then I consider myself lucky. If not, I have learned to not beat myself up.

Question - How do you get your material?

Fatel - Usually my funniest stuff is elaborating on things that have happened in my recent history. I'll find myself checking out a girl’s thong at the beach and think "God bless whoever convinced women to wear those." Then later when I'm writing that thought will come into my mind and I'll just expand on it, the rest is just performing it and when you perform it the lines tend to write themselves. It's kind of magical.



Question - What’s the most important thing a comedian has to think about while writing a stand up act?

Fatel - Why he needs so much love in his life that he's given up all hope of having a regular stable, happy life to instead chase the elusive love he never received as a child. That, and if the club owner is going to feed him.

Question – What’s the best advice someone has given you?

Fatel - Man, I've gotten a ton of great advice in my life. The first was when my friend Risa told me that the reason my throat was itching was I had just eaten strawberries and was probably allergic. In 20 years I had never put those two things together. To this day I'm proud to say I have never had an itchy throat again. The second greatest piece of advice I received was from Jerry Seinfeld who once said there was no such thing as writer’s block. He said it was an invention by people who didn't understand the creative process. All writers eventually hit a period where they're not particularly funny or entertaining, you just keep writing anything till you come to the other side. Jerry said giving it a name like writer's block was absurd and gave people an excuse to stop writing.

Question - How did you know that you wanted to be a comedian?

Fatel - When I was about 8 we did a school performance for all the parents of the kids. It was supposed to be a serious presentation of events that were happening that changed history. In the middle of my performance I broke for commercial and started doing commercials for deodorant and foot spray. I remember the audience was just cracking up. After that I was the star, all the parents wanted to talk to me and all the kids liked me. I knew then I was hooked as a performer and would never do anything else.

Question – What’s your main source of inspiration?

Fatel - Vagina.

Question - What clothing item of yours would cause Queer Eye Carson Kressley to pop a vein?

Fatel - How about my entire wardrobe? I literally get nauseous wearing anything other than Jeans and T shirts. I can't explain it, but I don't feel like "me" if I'm wearing anything else.

Question - What’s the deal with muffins? Why not pancakes or waffles? If you ever actually did fuck a muffin, what flavor do you think would provide the most intense experience?

Fatel - What do you mean "actually"?



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“Pete Correale says anything more than an hour and ten minutes of comedy is too much.”

By Jason Tanamor

When I mentioned to comedian Pete Correale about seeing comedy legend Bill Cosby do two hours of jokes, I had to ask, “How can you consistently stay funny that long?”

“I’m not going to disrespect Cosby or anything. But what I will say though is I think no matter how funny a comedian is, an hour and ten minutes is pretty much the limit,” said Correale. “Even when I watched Eddie Murphy’s “Raw” as a kid, I laughed my balls off, but you didn’t want it to be much longer than that.”



Correale went on to say that any longer than that, people just can’t keep laughing. “When Chris Rock did “Bigger and Blacker,” he just fucking shreds for like an hour and fifteen to the point that you’re exhausted. And then good night.”

So when I called Correale for an interview, I was certain to keep it under the hour and ten mark.

Q – I’m going to confess and say that I haven’t heard a lot about you. And I’ve been covering stand-up for a while. Can you tell me how long you’ve been doing stand-up and how you got involved with it?

A – From the first day I grabbed the microphone until now I haven’t stopped. It’s been 15 years this May since I started doing stand-up. For me, I loved watching stand-up comedy growing up but it never really dawned on me as something I could actually do. My dad is an architect and my mom is a teacher, it was a very white collar, you go to college, and get your degree type of environment. My senior year of college I took an acting class for a credit. I thought I had the acting bug, so when I graduated, I moved to New York City. I only grew up in Long Island, right outside NYC, and always wanted to move to NYC so when I moved there, my sister got me a job working front desk of a hotel cause she was a big doopty do at a hotel chain. I went on some cattle call auditions, got myself a headshot, and pretty quickly I realized, “What am I doing? This is ridiculous. I’m not even an actor.”

Just dicking around for two years, I got into this ridiculous improv group. There were like 10 people, a bunch of people going nowhere, we were all a bunch of knuckleheads. We performed at comedy clubs at like five o’clock at night; we did this like three times, well before the stand-up comedy would start. And we performed to like eight to 10 people who were our family and friends, it was really ridiculous. But after the third time we did it, it was at Stand-Up New York, everybody was going to go out for drinks and stuff, I just asked the comedy club manager if I could stick around and have a couple of beers and just watch the show. He was like, “Yeah sure.” And instantly, within the first five minutes of watching the first comic I was like, “Holy shit, I want to do that.”

I’ve never fell in love with anything that quickly. I started doing open mikes whenever I could, I was working from seven in the morning until three in the afternoon at the hotel and after about seven or eight months of this, I got a job, lucky enough, sweeping and mopping the floors at a New York comedy club. After I got off at the hotel, I’d go home and take a nap and then get to the club at about six and mop and sweep the floors, straighten up the tables, and then I’d cook some hamburgers, or whatever they needed me to do, and then at the very end, I would always get up on stage. The very last person up was me. I got no money, and had a college degree, I was mopping floors, but it didn’t matter to me cause I was getting stage time. I did that for a year and a half, just every night going on and I was able to leave the mopping and sweeping cause I was getting spots at places here and there. But for the most part, for me Jason, was really important from day one, I don’t know if it was instincts or what, but starting out in New York City, the beauty is you see the best right away, right in front of your eyes.

As far as being under the radar, that’s what a lot of comics say about me. I wasn’t in a hurry to present something unless it was really, really presentable. I want to be 50 years old and still be relevant up here. I want people to be able to look back at my stuff and still laugh cause it’s still relevant. I did Letterman, I’m doing Letterman again in May, I’ve done the Tonight Show, Carson Daly, but I’ve never done a half hour for Comedy Central, I stayed away from it because if I ever wanted to present it on a grand level I wanted it to be an hour, I wanted it to be special. I feel that after 15 years of hard work, the plugging and the writing I feel like it has really come together. And I hope this is like the break out for me and people will start to know me more.



Q – Your act revolves around happenings in your life. It seems like a lot of comics talk about their lives in their acts. Do comics just have funny lives?

A – I don’t think we have funnier lives than the average person, I just think as comics, there’s a lot going on in the brain and you start to train yourself to look for the funny, and dissect everything. Comics tend to just question everything and ponder everything, even the mundane, more so than the average person. That’s why people laugh when a comic is talking about something that happened to his or her life, because the same thing happened to them. The comic isn’t necessarily funnier but better about presenting it in a way where everyone can relate.

Q – When you write material, is there a certain process that you use?

A – It’s funny, cause some comics will sit at a computer and write for a certain amount of time, others will write on napkins. To me, I’ve come to the conclusion and acceptance that my writing style is that I don’t have a writing style. And by that I mean, I will get up in the middle of the night and write on a piece of paper if something comes to me as funny. I will go to a coffee shop and sit at my computer for three hours and write even if I have nothing to say. I’ve carried around a recorder and said jokes into the recorder so that later on I can sit down and play them back and write them out. Nothing works for me, yet everything works for me.

Q – Do you think it takes a certain type of person to be a comedian or do you think someone can learn to be a comedian?

A – I think with hard work, anybody could probably do comedy in a sense that if you worked really hard at it, and were a relatively normal person, you could be successful enough to get up on stage at a comedy club and make people laugh for about 10 minutes.

Q – It seems to me, I’ve been to enough comedy clubs, that if you don’t deliver the joke properly, it could be the best written joke, but if you don’t deliver it right, you’ve lost it.

A – Yeah, and that’s what I was going to say. The best way I can answer that is with a story. When you first start out you try to get up on stage wherever, but now I’m at a certain level where I tend to just play the Comic Strip and the Comedy Cellar mostly. That’s all I need and those are my favorite places. So this guy that runs another club calls up and says, “I really want you to start playing here. Will you call in your availability?” I said sure, it’s in my neighborhood. I email him when I’m around, and three weeks in a row he gives me one spot. The third week he gives me one spot, it’s like 15 minutes on a Friday. So I email him and say that I appreciate it but forget the spot. “I’m not going to play your room. When I play some place, I need to be there every night, or close to it, I can’t just play there once a week. It doesn’t do anything for me.” So he emails me back and says, I’m sorry to hear that. I wish you’d change your mind. You just have to understand my position. I have 80 comedians calling in for 33 available spots. So I email him back and say, “For what it’s worth, let’s be honest, you have 80 people calling in for 33 available spots. You certainly don’t have 80 comedians worth paying money to see. There’s not 80 damn comedians worth paying to see in New York City, maybe in the whole country.” And that’s my point, there are so many people that can just grab a microphone and tell ten minutes worth of jokes and get on a Carson Daly type show, but the really great ones, it takes a commitment to not be afraid to be 45 years old and not have any money. It’s a level of commitment where it takes being on the stage all the time until you’re as comfortable on it as you are in your own living room. No matter how funny you are, I’m sorry, but all the great ones have been at it for 15 years minimum.

Q – I understand what you’re saying. Sometimes I see openers and headliners where there’s a huge disparity between their level of funny. Sometimes the headliner is just THAT much funnier.

A – Yeah, sometimes I’ll do shows and there will be a bunch of different comedians playing. And the seasoned ones can talk about what happened to them THAT day, and yeah, the jokes may not be that funny and you’re just riffing about your day, but the way they tell them makes them funnier than everyone else. It’s a level of comfort, you feel more comfortable in their hands cause it seems like they know what they’re doing and have been doing this for a long time.



Q – How many chances do you give a joke before you realize it’s not working?

A – That’s such an instinct thing. I have a joke where I say, I was at the beach once, I was smoking a cigarette, and I say to my friend, “This is the best place to smoke. It’s like you’re actually in the ashtray.” I had said that from time to time with friends and I had never thought to say that on stage. And then after three years, one time I just said it on stage and it got a great response.

Now on the other hand you’ll say a joke that you think is hilarious and you’ll get nothing. And you can’t understand how these fucking people aren’t seeing it. “How are you not seeing it?” I have a punch line I’ve been saying for the last three weeks where the punch is, “Isn’t every wife really just a hooker with one client?” And like one person will laugh and no one else will but that one person will really, really laugh and I’m like, “I know I’m on to something.” But after three weeks I just put it aside. What will happen, a month later when I’m telling a story, all of a sudden that punch line will work better. Or I’ll come across as nicer and that joke will just work. You never say that you’ll do it just one more day. You just find that you’ve stopped doing it.

Q – Do you find that audiences in the Midwest, the East coast or the West coast just laugh at different things?

A – Not that they think something is funnier in different parts of the country than others, but more that they think it’s OK to laugh. I headlined at the Improv in Melrose a couple months ago and a couple jokes that kill in New York didn’t get… like I do a joke that my 80 year old grandmother came to visit, I love her to death but she walks like two miles an hour. She wanted to see Ground Zero but I didn’t want to take her all the way down there, so I said fuck it and took her to a construction site in my own neighborhood. In New York that kills. In other parts of the country that gets a nervous response. Some were laughing and some were nervous but after the show people will come up to me and say that Ground Zero joke was so funny.

Q – You have a Comedy Central special coming out May 30th. Now this is your first TV special, right?

A – Yeah.

Q – How difficult was it to come up with the perfect set for this special?

A – It’s really just an accumulation of 14 and a half years of plugging away night in and night out. It’s not like I took three hours of stand-up comedy material and sat down and said, “OK, let me decide what will be the best 60 minutes to do for a special.” For me, about a year ago I started working with this fantastic management, particularly this manager named Judi Marmel. The management company is named Levity. They represent Jeff Dunham, the puppet guy. We started working together and chatting and she said, “You’ve never done a half hour for Comedy Central before, have you?” I said no, I’m just waiting to present. She said, “I think you’re past a half hour. What do you think about doing an hour?” I go, I think I’m ready to do an hour too.

So I took an accumulation of my best one hour set over the course of 14 years and I made a tape and we sent it to Comedy Central and within a day or two they said, “Fucking let’s do it. We want to give you an hour.” And when we made the deal, the set that we made for Comedy Central was pretty much the same set that I showed them to get the special. I have to do at least 60 minutes on stage. If I don’t, they can’t contractually sell a DVD at Wal-Mart or Amazon.com. I don’t understand but that’s how that works. But for Comedy Central, once I do the 60 minutes, the production company gives it to Comedy Central and then they, Comedy Central, edit it down to 42 minutes because of commercials. And you have no say of the 60 and some odd minutes, which 42 of them they are going to use. But I was pretty proud of it. I’m not one of those guys that say, “I can’t believe they left that one out.” But when you purchase the DVD, the full 60 minute set is on the DVD.

Q – You talk about your wife a lot. Does she play a role or do you run things by her or does she have a say about what you’re going to talk about?

A – No, absolutely not. There hasn’t been one time in my whole life where my wife said, don’t do that, don’t say that, da da da. The only thing my wife will do is critique me like a friend would in a sense like, “That joke sucks.” But if it’s about her or not about her, never, ever, ever.

Q – Your special airs on Comedy Central on May 30th. Is there anything else you wanted to add?

A – I’ll be on Letterman on May 22nd, and if you like what you see, you can see a longer, extended version on May 30th.

Q – Well hey, thanks for the interview, Pete.

A – Good chatting with you. Be well.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“'Long Lost' by Harlan Coben.” – Book Review.

By Bry Schulz

3 1/2 Stars:

There is a lot going on in the newest book by Harlan Coben called “Long Lost.” It’s easy to get sucked into the story from page one with Coben’s lead character, the sarcastic Myron Bolitar. Myron, an entertainment agent with a knack for picking fights, helps solve one hell of a mystery in this book.



In the beginning we find Myron beckoned to Paris by Terese, an old flame with impeccable timing. What appears to be a Euro-booty call is actually a ruse to get Myron to help her solve the murder of her ex-husband. Terese, a one time CNN anchor, gets in deep with Myron, in more ways than one. In trying to find answers to her ex-husband’s death, a major twist arises when DNA belonging to Terese's deceased daughter ends up at the crime scene.

Several times in this story Myron relies on his BFF, Win, to lend a hand in rescuing him from the trouble his sarcasm lands him. At times Myron's side kick steals the show entirely. By the end of the tale you're still guessing as to the origin of the dead daughter’s DNA.

After investigation by Homeland Security, Interpol, and the Mossad, the mystery appears unsolvable. However, Coben ties it all together revealing the DNA belonging to

(SPOILER)

a real live daughter Terese never knew she had. A terrorist cell who's hijacked embryos from a Chryo storage facility has been using surrogate mothers to create and raise white, American children to fool anyone suspecting them of terrorism.

(END SPOILER)

What started out as a simple tale about love lost winds up a thought provoking idea about our perception of how looks can be deceiving.



I knew that Coben had been writing a series of Myron Bolitar books for some time. “Long Lost” is actually book nine in the series. Never having read any of the previous eight I wondered if I might feel lost. I did not. Actually reading “Long Lost” made me very curious about the previous books and interested in reading more.

Myron is a silly character who seems real and relatable. He has real relationships and real problems with them. The character of Win is a little less believable but I could ignore that completely because he was fun. Win's preppy fashion sense and kung-fu fighting skills make him a very likeable character to follow.

The love interest in Terese was a bit sexual and obviously written from a man's point of view. But over all her explanation of her love for her deceased daughter would ring true for any mother. In the end, the relationship between her and Myron is left a little up in the air - a good opening for a possible 10th book perhaps?

And though the twists and turns kept me guessing a lot, I was never ready to give up on reading.



BYLINE:

Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable.

“Slovin & Allen are more than just a stand-up comedy group.”

By Jason Tanamor

When Slovin & Allen come to your town, don’t expect them to take phone calls about frivolous lawsuits. That’s because, they are not an attorney team from Minnesota. Although they like to joke that they are.

Leo Allen, one half of the comedy group, recently shared some insight with Zoiks! Online magazine.



Q - Do people confuse Slovin & Allen as an attorney team in Minnesota? Like phone calls asking about suing someone for rear ending them?

A - Yes, that is why we rent expensive office space in downtown Minnesota.

Q - In your guys’ act, you use a lot of props and do a lot of skits. Who were your heroes growing up?

A - I like the way you seamlessly tie together two sentences the average person might think have nothing to do with each other. My hero was Amelia Earhart, Slovin's was Herman Goering.

Q - Is there a certain comedy team you base your act off of?

A – Yes, Shields and Yarnell.

Q - I understand that you two wrote for SNL. Is that why your act consists of short skits?

A - I think our "act" consists of short "skits" because when things get longer, they tend to quickly become unbearable, for both the audience and us.

Q - How did your act develop into what it is today?

A - By constantly doing things, and studying comedy, storytelling, and music theory.

Q - Do you like performing or writing better?

A - People always try to make you choose one of those things, so no.

Q - Are you two actually lovers of slapping hams and turkeys? If so, have you ever considered other types of foods, say watermelons?

A - Whether the "characters" we play during the "Turkey Slapper" skit are lovers or not is entirely up to the viewer. No, we never considered any other type of food. Not ever.



Q - I saw your version of "Who’s on first?" with actual ball players’ names substituted in. How do you know something is going to be funny before trying it out?

A - You never know whether anything is going to be funny before you try it out. That is one of the downsides to being a comedian.

Q - Who gave you your first break?

A - The first writing job we were hired for was an Internet show called "This Is Not A Test," which ended up also being a live show that was hosted by Marc Maron. The writing staff was Slovin & Allen, The Upright Citizens Brigade, Todd Barry, Mike Lee, Danno Sullivan, Nick McKinney and Vito Viscomi, who were also the producers. I probably left some people out.

Q - Any advice for aspiring comedians?

A - Write and perform a lot. Have deadlines. Don't pay money to get advice from "comedians," especially when you are a broke aspiring comic.

Q - Have you thought of taking the N’Sync road and working on solo projects to see which one of you is more talented?

A - Yes.

Q - What is your career highlight?

A - I met Henny Youngman, and someone took my picture with him.

Q - Do you think comedy teams have to work harder in stand-up than solo acts? If so, have you ever been turned down for a gig or job because of your act?

A - No. It's all different. You're never really competing with anyone. I do stand-up wherever they'll have me, but Slovin & Allen isn't and never was a "club" act. We do our own one-hour show in a more theatrical setting, so people that come know what they're in for.

Q - What would you two be doing if you weren’t doing stand-up?

A - Slovin would be a Navy Seal, and I'd be dead.

Q - What are you working on now?

A - We're writing a movie, and trying to also perform around town, together and separately. Also, I hope we get a website. It's so sad we don't have one yet. Why won't the government allow it!!??

Q - Anything you would like to add?

A - People in cars shouldn't honk at bicyclists, because you have no idea how loud it sounds.

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

"Mr. Methane on YouTube."

By Jason Tanamor

The world's most precise performing flatulist recently chatted with Zoiks! Online about his fart, rather art, of farting on command. You definitely will be blown away. No fart intended.



Check him out in this video:



Check out the interview Zoiks! Online did here:

"Mr. Methane is a gas - literally."

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“Kira Soltanovich isn’t really a girl behaving badly.”

By Jason Tanamor

Even though Kira Soltanovich stars on The Oxygen Channel’s “Girls Behaving Badly,” her behavior really warranted this name during her days in private school. “When I was 6 years old in the first grade, I went to a private school where there were about 100 students. I had a permanent desk in the hallway in front of my 1st grade room,” said Soltanovich. “My teachers knew when I started in with my “material,” and I did write jokes back then, that they would have to sit me outside.”



What the teachers didn’t know, according to the comedienne and actress, was that she was out there, not learning lessons, but thinking up new jokes. “When my teacher would open the door and ask me if I was ready to join the class, I would blurt out my newest bit, the entire class would laugh and she would slam the door in my face. The laughter I heard on the other side of the door must be what heroin is like. I was hooked,” said Soltanovich.

Born in the former Soviet Union, the Ukraine to be exact, Soltanovich’s family left the country en route to a warmer climate in San Francisco, CA. And although Soltanovich makes her living in Los Angeles, she doesn’t mind being there. “I don’t hate it. I’m not one of those people that complains about L.A., how everyone is “fake,” the girls are all anorexic, and the guys won’t date you unless you’re... well, anorexic,” said Soltanovich. “I love L.A., no joke. It’s 70 (degrees) in the winter. Nuff said.”



Since residing in the city of angels, Soltanovich has developed a high energy act that partly involves talking about her Russian family. It’s either that or working a deluge of jobs, something she experienced before her comedy career took off. “I have had a myriad of jobs. I would always do stand-up at night, but during the day I was a personal assistant, a substitute teacher, a tour guide at the San Diego Zoo,” said Soltanovich. “I once worked in a chocolate factory, and of course a waitress. Legally, if you’re an actress in L.A. you have to work as a waitress at least once. Union rules. If I wasn’t a comic, I would be a miserable employee. I would drive everyone in my cubicle, office or Kinko’s break room crazy.”

As long as Soltanovich is working in comedy, she’ll take everything that comes with it, save for the one time she worked with a certain male headliner. “I was sharing a Comedy Condo and he tried to make out with me. I would never do that!” Soltanovich said. “It was awkward for the rest of the week.”

Soltanovich has appeared on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” “3rd Rock From The Sun,” “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.” and is a recurring stand up comic on the E! Network and VH1’s “All Access” and “Love Lounge.” As for having her own sitcom, it’s certainly an aspiration. “A sitcom is just another form of entertainment I would love to do, but it’s not why I am a stand-up,” Soltanovich said.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

"Emm Gryner on YouTube."

By Jason Tanamor

In case you missed the interview with Emm Gryner, Zoiks! Online had the pleasure to chat with her about her music and her new album.





Check out the interview Zoiks! did with her here:

"Emm Gryner finds darkness more interesting than light."

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“For Drew Hastings, comedy is a pain.”

By Jason Tanamor

“I don’t write jokes, per se. I’ve always considered my time on stage to be a one sided conversation where the audience isn’t allowed to talk.” This is what comedian Drew Hastings believes stand-up comedy is all about. “It comes naturally and there is no process. I should work on it, but I’m really good at avoidance. In fact, I’m so good at running away from my life, I should stretch beforehand.”



Although he jokes about his life, his act, and, in this case, his interviews, Hastings’ life and his rise to comedic stardom is far from a joke. This, of course, is coming from a man who didn’t start doing stand-up comedy until the age of 31, after partaking in a myriad of career choices including owning a small trucking business, a records/document shredding company, and scalping tickets to rock concerts. “My trucking and storage business had gotten bigger and more complex, and I had partners to answer to, government regulations to adhere to. Basically, I morphed from being an entrepreneur to an administrator,” said Hastings. “I thought, I’m going to turn 50 and have a heart attack behind my desk while comparing insurance plans. So, I sold my part of the business and just started comedy full time. Everybody thought I was crazy.”



Born in Casablanca, Morocco, and raised in both, Dayton and Cincinnati, Ohio, Hastings currently resides on a farm in southern Ohio. His act, self-described as “intelligent, opinionated comedy with a Midwestern viewpoint,” hits on all cylinders, even when the audiences aren’t laughing. “It’s never the audiences’ fault. If things go badly, it very seldom is the audience. You’ve done something wrong or are not right for that particular crowd, but you can’t blame them,” Hastings said, adding that all comedy comes from pain. “Most people never stop to think about that. It seems like the stand-up stage is the last place you can be honest. Say whatever you want. It may not go over, but you can say it. College campuses are really bad. I won’t even perform at a college. But it spills over. Young college students in the audience are much more shocked and offended by certain topics than 65 year olds.”

And Hastings has dealt with all sorts of people, even the unpopular Hollywood personality, which he attributes to what’s wrong with stand-up. “The experience of dealing with Hollywood networks, producers, studio executives - most of them are completely clueless and want your talents and material for next to nothing,” Hastings said. “You really have to compromise yourself and your integrity if you want fame, L.A. style.”

For now, Hastings is happy how his life turned out. And if this doesn’t work out, he has another career in mind - archaeology. “As in Indiana Jones. I’d be finding lost sites for the glory and riches. The part where you sit with a paintbrush and wipe dust from a shard of pottery doesn’t interest me,” Hastings said.

Drew Hastings has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and is a fixture on The Bob & Tom Show, a nationally syndicated radio show, in which his character, Jack Freeman, became a huge success.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“The Wrestler.” – DVD Review.

By Bob Zerull

5 Stars:

I never wanted to be a Pro Wrestler. I liked it as a kid, particularly Bret “the Hitman” Hart, but it never interested me as a dream profession. As a fan of wrestling you take for granted what those guys go through, because the storyline is fake. You wonder why these two guys who hate each other are sitting next to each other getting along when you see them outside of the business. Has anybody seen that video of Sid Vicious jumping off the top rope only to see his leg below the knee snap and go the wrong way? Go to www.youtube.com and check it out. It’s sick.



In Darren Aronofsky’s (“Requiem for a Dream,” “Fountain”) “The Wrestler,” Mickey Rourke jump starts his struggling career. I can honestly say I’ve never seen a performance like this. Mickey Rourke was robbed of an Oscar. I’ve seen Sean Penn as Harvey Milk in “Milk,” and he was fabulous, but Mickey Rourke was his character Randy “the Ram” Robinson.

Randy is a wrestler that was once the headliner in the main event at Madison Square Garden. Now he’s limited to high school gymnasiums local rec centers. He’s a selfish man outside of the ring, but once he gets in that ring he’s selfless. He’ll do whatever is asked of him, whether it’s having another wrestler use a real staple gun on him or falling on thumb tacks, he’ll do whatever it takes to make the match the best it can be.



Outside of the ring Randy hangs out at a local strip club and buys dances from aging dancer Cassidy (Marisa Tomei). When we’re introduced to her character she’s performing a bachelor party and the guys in the party want a younger hotter dancer. Her story is very similar to Randy’s. The difference is that she’s not proud of what she does. She couldn’t be farther from a stripper in her other life. Both Randy and Cassidy are nearly 2 decades past their prime.

Randy eventually has a heart attack and finds out that he can no longer wrestle. He’s forced to get a job in a deli serving meat. He figures out quickly that he’s nothing without wrestling. Cassidy convinces him to reconnect with his long lost daughter played by Evan Rachel Wood. She wants little to do with him. Once she finally accepts him as her father he goes and screws up again.

“The Wrestler” is a great story on multiple levels. The wrestling aspect of it alone is interesting. Watching the struggle of this man who has lost the one thing he truly loves (which unfortunately is pro wrestling) deal with it, is an incredible story. His priorities aren’t right. He controls his own destiny yet keeps messing up. It’s like following Scott Weiland or Robert Downey Jr. You keep hoping they can stay off drugs and then they get arrested again. “The Wrestler” is one of the top three best movies of 2008. “Gran Torino” and “The Dark Knight” were the other two.



BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com. Also visit: www.cadaverchristmas.com.

“Jon and Kate plus a bunch of drunken, easy co-eds.”

By Sean Leary

I really couldn't have given less of a shit about the show “Jon and Kate Plus 8” until I started seeing all the stories about Jon getting his booze on and riding the grope-and-grind train with a bunch of college co-eds.



Sounds scandalous and vulturey, I know, but as I've written before, I find other people's drama to be sometimes entertaining. Drama in my own life, I can live without, but there's something cathartic and intriguing about watching reality TV drama unfold. That's why I watch so many shows like “Rock of Love,” “Daisy of Love,” “For the Love of Ray J” and other reality slug-and-smooch fests.

In part it's because the people ask to be made a spectacle. They ask for it. Therefore I find it morally completely fine to enjoy watching the human dramas messily unfold.

That's where all the scandal about Jon and Kate breaks a little bit to the left. The relationship drama isn't taking place on screen (although some would argue that all their bickering on camera is what is leading to it, and therefore it is taking place on screen, etc.) but it's intriguing to see the car wreck all the same.

It's not surprising either, if you've watched the show.

For one thing, I'm not going to tell you to watch the show. It's REALLY friggin' boring for the most part. I mean REALLY boring. I don't know why it's got such high ratings. I can't stand to watch more than a few minutes while channel surfing until I've got to give it the heave ho.



For another thing, it seems like all these people do is bicker. Bicker bicker bicker bicker bicker bicker bicker. Go figure that there'd be some sort of marital strife OFF CAMERA when seemingly that's all there is ON CAMERA.

That said, I don't condone infidelity. I'm not a cheater and I don't endorse it.

BUT...

When you put yourself in the position Jon and Kate have, willingly put yourself in a position where your marital problems are ripped open and displayed for all to see, then it's inevitable that the siren skanks and free-trim-seeking slimeballs are gonna come lurkin' about lookin' to hook-up with no strings - especially since the stories of their hook-ups can then be sold to the tabloids and entertainment press.

It wouldn't surprise me at all to find out that Kate's been cattin' around behind Jon's back too, only in a much more clandestine way.

Either way, if there is another season on J&K+8, it could be a really, really juicy one. Especially if more of these infidelity stories hit the press. And particularly if stories about Kate's infidelity start hitting as well.

All the more so if she's been cheating with Ray J or Bret Michaels.

BYLINE:

Sean Leary's recent and current projects include the alt-rock "Spinal Tap" comedy film "Your Favorite Band" (www.yourfavoritebandthefilm.com), the award-winning short story collection "Every Number Is Lucky To Someone" (available in bookstores nationwide and on Amazon.com) and an upcoming memoir "Get That Baby A Coke: My Life As A Freak Magnet."

"Pete Correale interview coming soon."

By Jason Tanamor

Comedian Pete Correale's first Comedy Central special will air on May 30th. He'll also be back on Letterman on May 22nd. Check him out on his last appearance on the late night show.





For more information on this hilarious comedian, visit his website at:

www.petecorreale.com

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

“Henry Cho doesn’t have to be super famous to be remembered.”

By Jason Tanamor

You may not recognize Henry Cho by looking at him, but once he talks it may jog your memory. That’s because the comedian, who looks every bit Asian, has a southern accent. The two kind of make a person shake his head at first. But once Cho gets-a talkin,’ you’ll soon remember him any time his name comes up. That’s because he’s one of the funniest comedians working today. Cho recently sat down with Zoiks! Online to talk life, comedy, and Asian stereotypes.



Q – You’re an Asian with a southern accent. The reason I ask this is because I’m an Asian with a Midwestern accent. Do you think it’s harder being an Asian comedian with a southern accent than an Asian comedian with an Asian accent?

A - It's not easy being a comedian in any case, but having a southern accent sets me apart from not only all other Asian comedians, from all comedians. I remember Garry Shandling a few years back saying that I stand out so much, in people's minds after they see me, I don't have to be super famous for people to remember me. The added plus, in my opinion, on having a southern accent is it's easy to listen to. Folks in the south sit on the porch and tell stories - easy to sit around and listen to someone from the south, as opposed to an accent from Brooklyn.

Q – So, there are Asian stereotypes like bad driving and being great at Math, and southern stereotypes like lack of teeth and incest. What stereotypes would you say you fall into?

A - I didn't know about the driving thing until I moved to L.A. years ago. Some loser asked me from the stage if I was a good driver. I told him where I come from me and my dad were the only Asian guys driving there. Neither of us had ever had an accident, and all the bad drivers I knew were white. I'm smart cause I'm Korean, I'm not so smart cause I'm from the south. They cancel each other out, so I'm even.

Q – Does your material change based on the area in which you perform?

A - Not really, there are a couple jokes I can do in say San Francisco that I won't do in Chicago or Atlanta, but I don't go about it any differently just cause I'm in a different region.

Q – The only other Asian comics I know are Chinaman, Esther Ku and Margaret Cho. Is there just NOT a stand-up comedy booth at the Asian career fair?

A - I only know Margaret of those three. There are a few more but only a handful. There will be no booth ever at the career fair, it’s just not the art form considered worthy in the Asian community.

Q – What types of things do you like to do on the road?

A - Golf and more golf. If I'm booked anywhere up north in the wintertime the money must be really good cause if I can't play golf it's not a good road trip. It's almost like the shows are my excuse to go to a town to play all the nice golf courses. It has been that way for decades.

Q – You’re in the process of developing a television series based on your life. How did this come about?

A - It's my fifth TV deal in the past twelve years. That's the cool thing, even after all these years I'm blessed enough to have network executives still take a meeting to listen to my ideas. It's a long road to get a show on the air, I'm going old school - an adult comedy that your kids can be in the same room and watch with you.



Q – Which comedians did you learn from the most?

A - I grew up listening to Cosby and Newhart albums, but personally it's been Seinfeld, Shandling, Leno, Bill Engvall, and Jeff Foxworthy. When I first started my big break came when I got to open for Jerry Seinfeld. I'd been doing stand up for about six months. This was years before his TV show but he was still one of the biggest comedians back then. I got the gig cause I've always been clean and he insisted on a clean opener. He liked what I did and took me to other places afterward and told his pals in L.A. about me so I got to open for them. My first year or two of comedy I got to work with the cream of the crop, so I learned from the best. Dave Coulier was also a big help in my early days.

Q – You talk a little bit about being an Asian comic with a southern accent, but it’s not the focus of your act. What made you decide to stray away from the obvious?

A - I wanted to be a comedian, not just the Asian comedian with a southern accent. I have a great hook but I didn't want to be a one trick pony. I knew to gain the respect of my peers I had to be a comedian and not always rely on my hook.

Q – How difficult is it to keep a clean act when a lot of the acts today are purely based on language and sex?

A - I've never cussed on stage in 23 plus years. I'm a Christian so being dirty isn't what I wanted to present. I have other “Christian comedians” ask me to join their conferences and who want to open for me. I tell them I'm not a Christian comedian, I'm a comedian who's a Christian, big difference since 99.99% of my gigs are in the mainstream world.

Q – I mean, don’t you just want to say the f-word?

A - N/A

Q – What do you want your audience to take away with them when they leave your show?

A - I like it when folks say that they thought I was funny and they really appreciated the fact that my entire hour was clean. I’m not up there to influence anyone's view on politics or religion. I'm not curing cancer or doing any heavy lifting. Don't get me wrong, I loved it when Seinfeld said, "The hardest thing to do is be a stand up comedian.” He reminded me of that fact and I try to wear it as a badge of honor like he and the other top guys do. It's a great gig and I love it. I'm just hoping the audience laughs for an hour, but I'm not going to offend them to get laughs, it’s just not my style.

Q – Anything you want to add?

A - Phil Nee is an old school Asian comedian. Known him for 20 plus years. Between he and I we've written and/or done every funny Asian joke there is, so I know it's difficult for the young Asian comedians to dip into that well. We've milked it dry years ago. My advice to them is always to try and find their voice, but I tell every young comedian that, and not just Asian ones.



BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."

"Observe & Report." - Movie Review.

By Bob Zerull

3 1/2 Stars:

There is a line in “Observe & Report” that goes, “I thought this was going to be funny, but really it’s just sad.” That line kind of sums up this movie, only it is funny, but it’s a lot sadder or darker than I expected. The problem that this movie faces is that “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” came out before it. These two movies are nothing alike, they are both about mall cops, but Kevin James' “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” is a family friendly movie, while Seth Rogen’s “Observe & Report” is a much darker adult friendly comedy.



Seth Rogen stars as Ronnie Barnhardt, head of mall security. He also suffers from Bipolar Disorder. He’s afraid to admit it, but his dream in life is to become a police officer. His disorder unfortunately will probably prevent this from ever happening (especially when he goes off the meds). Ronnie however gets his chance to prove his ability when a mall flasher attacks his mall.

When the mall flasher violates Brandi (Anna Faris), Ronnie’s crush (whom she wants nothing to do with), Ronnie has enough. The real cops are brought in (led by Ray Liotta) against Ronnie’s wishes. Ronnie is upset that they aren’t taking this as serious as they should. He’s worried that the flasher may rape Brandi.



I’m not sure that director Jody Hill knew what he wanted this movie to be, or maybe he did. I can understand why people love it and I understand why people hate it. Hill leaves it all on the table. At times it is uncomfortable to watch this movie, not because it is bad, but because it is so real and so sad. Other times it’s as far from real as it gets.

The acting and the balls to tell this story are really the highlights to the movie. It is refreshing to see Seth Rogen play a completely different character than anything else he’s played. Anna Faris plays the same exact character she always plays, but she plays it different and better. Ray Liotta plays it straight which makes him extra funny. Michael Pena as Ronnie’s right hand man and Celia Weston as Ronnie’s mom steal every scene that they’re in.

I recommend this movie simply for the originality behind it. It’s certainly not for everyone, particularly the easily offended. It’s definitely not a movie that you’ll walk away saying that it is just OK. You’ll either really like it, or really hate it. Me, when I see the word offensive (or any offshoot of that word) I get curious. Give this movie a chance.

BYLINE:

Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com. Also visit: www.cadaverchristmas.com.

“Boyfriend Jeans now coming to anytown USA.”

By Bryanne Schulz

The growing trend in Hollywood these days, especially among mommas, are “Boyfriend Jeans.” Every holly-mom, from Katie Holmes to Gwen Stefani, has been photographed in the new baggy style. If you’re worth your weight in the celeb world then this is the trend you’ve been wearing everywhere from Whole Foods to that meeting with Samuel L. Jackson.



Rarely do we see a trend so comfy come out of world usually crammed with size 0 skirts and thousand-dollar flip-flops. I’d like to stand up and say, “Thanks Reese Witherspoon!” I, too, can wear some oversized jeans and roll the legs up to look like I’m anticipating a huge water leak in my basement. What a grand world we live in when fashion can appeal to the masses. Especially those of us who are often ignored - muthas!

Yep, I’m a mom. I show excitement because my demo is largely ignored. Last week I was in my living room thinking about how I should vacuum up the Cheerios when I decided to try out this new trend for the first time. I rolled up my jeans, (which have become increasingly baggy lately - score one for me!). I didn’t go anywhere but my own home at first. I could hardly believe how, as long as you were dressed like Halle Berry, vacuuming up crumbs could be so fulfilling.



The next day I grew even more adventurous and sported the rolled up look while I took my dog and son for a walk through the neighborhood. While my pet and my child may have thought I was insane, no one in my neighborhood seemed to notice. I'll admit I was even doing a little strut as I pushed the stroller around. Sure, there were no paparazzi around to take my photo but I figured if there were I'd look good.

Later I decided to keep the look going when I wore my Boyfriend Jeans to the supermarket. OK, so it was after 10 PM and most of the people in the store were dressed like hobos or Nick Nolte in his mug shot, but I still felt like I was taking a risk. I was perusing the supermarket aisles while walking on the wild side of denim fashion. And I liked every second of it.

No matter how mundane picking up ketchup and diapers might seem to some it was a fashionable jaunt for little old me.

The glory of these Boyfriend Jeans will continue for me, I'm totally hooked on the look. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say rolling up my baggy jeans changed my life, but if baggy, rolled up jeans are cool, consider me Oprah. “Now everyone, look under your chairs. Boyfriend Jeans for everyone!”

BYLINE:

Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable.