As most people know a rock show is not just a chance to listen to live music. It's a chance to let loose. You can act a fool when you maybe wouldn't normally. You see chicks dressed in stripped knee high stockings that probably go to their day job as a kindergarten teacher the next day.
What's normal during the day might be real goofy looking at night. Besides the chance to dress funny there's also the dancing, if you're so inclined. At a recent rock show I started to realize there's a few dance moves you'll see at any live show. Whether you’re jamming out to TOOL or Hot Hot Heat these are some moves you’re likely to witness, and in some cases, participate in.
1. The Jumpy Jump - This is a move you can't do unless the song really calls for it. It has to have a consistent beat. You'll see many people doing the jumpy jump at the same time. Well, except that one drunken guy who can't find the beat and is jumping up as everyone else in the crowd is going down. But this is just a simple up and down jump that you do to the beat. I'm guilty of participating in the jumpy-jump. However, the concert with the most jumpy-jump would probably be Smash Mouth or something like that, and I've never been to see Smash Mouth. But I can imagine.
2. Air Musician - any instrument is fair game for the finest of air musicians. You will see the electric guitar air musicians who really reach up and down to strum their guitar (steer clear or you could catch an elbow in the eye). There's the acoustic guitar, which is different from the electric, because the strumming of the instrument is more controlled and this you will see at a DMB show. Usually accompanied by a twisty move left to right of the upper body, along with the left arm up and the right hand could be quickly plucking the air strings. The air drums is one of my favorite moves to see because it's usually the most rhythm-less who dream of playing the drums. So they will be crossing to hit invisible drums at very inappropriate times. The air keyboard is a good one that you see at Nine Inch Nails shows because they use so many keyboards. But the execution is tricky because you could end up looking too Ray Charles if you have had too many Red Bull and vodkas. And if you see the air record scratch it's a special moment, cherish it. It's elusive like the Whale Shark.
3. MOSH - everyone knows the mosh. But with in the mosh there are several sub-techniques.
A) The I Don't Want To: my favorite. Because it's when some poor little dude gets too close to the ring around the mosh and is just shoved into the pit. The fear you see from this guy is sad and hysterical and kind of scary at the same time. Usually accompanied by the windmill arms, I'm guessing the thinking behind this move is that people will get out of the way of your crazy flailing arms. But you're in a mosh pit. Crazy bald man cometh whether you windmill your arms or not.
B) The Fighting Irish: This is a stompy move that involves picking up your feet as high as you can and walking around like you are walking in tall grass. Also accompanied by flappy arm moves that make you look like the Fighting Irish guy + a Daniel Son crane kick move. This guy usually gets propelled out when the 'I Don't Want To' guy comes flying in.
C) I'm Kicking Some Ass Tonight Guy: He just loves that he gets to have a cover up for his usually irrational bar fighting. This guy just walks up to any other guy and flat out punches him. This guy sucks and usually becomes a bowling pin of sorts to the ‘I Don't Want To’ guy who plays the part of the bowling ball. The normal sane moshers are now banded together in this game and it's funny to watch.
D) AHHHHHH - This guy just runs in and screams and then runs out. Literally. He's too drunk to know. He will be punched the most by 'I'm Kicking Some Ass Tonight Guy.'
E) Galloping Guy - This guy sort of gallops in while covering his chest with his arms, as if crossing his chest with his arms is going to keep him from getting the wind knocked out of him. But hey, why not take precautions when entering a pit of raging men. He's trying to be manly and just shove people but he ends up running into his many other followers. The pits majority is made up of Galloping Guy. Just galloping around and shoulder checking each other or doing an awkward chest slam.
F) Crazy Bald Man - there's one at every show. He comes in, stands in the center of the pit, dodges ‘I don't Want To,’ ‘Fighting Irish,’ ‘I'm Kicking Some Ass Tonight Guy,’ ‘AHHHHH,’ and ‘Galloping Guy.’ His soul purpose is to just PUSH people. He just stands in the center and pushes everyone into everyone else. Without him the mosh wouldn't have the same movement and flow as it does. He's pretty much the only person ‘I'm Kicking Some Ass Tonight’ guy won't punch, and trust me, he doesn't want to punch him either.
4. Too Many Drugs (TMD) - This person is the most annoying of the concert goers. TMD thinks they are flowing with the music like a willow tree and that their movement is beautiful and interpretive. They usually pretend to have some invisible ball and they do crazy body roll movements and get in the way of the general admission people who just want to stand as close as possible to the stage without being fucked with. Eventually TMD gets pushed into a wall or bathroom and comes down and you see him/her passed out in the corner on your way out of the show. Hey, at least when they get to their car there isn't traffic. Always look at the positives I say.
5. No No No - this move is fun to see. Imagine someone bent over as if to pick something off the ground and is just shaking their head left to right as if to say, “No, floor, I'm not gonna.” A lot of times this move is joined with the air electric guitar. The good news here is that they are standing in one spot so the annoyance level is low for people who are around a No No No dance mover. I'm not sure why this move is popular but maybe it helps you rock out in a way that says, 'I'm a troubled person, who can't stop rockin’.’
6. HORNS - I'm guilty. I have to admit this is a move I've done at least once at every rock show. Or almost every show. This is where you throw the horn hand move up in the air. You can do the double horn, two hand move too. I do this a lot when I think the lead singer is looking in my direction. I don't know that the one thing I want them to think about me is, “that girl over there is a dork, and she gave me the horns.” But I'm in the moment. I will say that if you are doing horns you can't half ass it! Some people don't commit to their horns and they have bent fingers. If you're giving horns, GIVE EM'! But this is a dumb thing to do so keep it to a minimum, OK! Too many horns can be like staring at a strobe light for too long. Your eyes start to water and burn.
7. The Bendy - This is where you bend forward and backward. It's like a head bang using your whole upper body. The head bang will not be on this list, FYI, because it's nearly extinct. So this is the move I do. I claim this move. I do the Bendy. I like to rock it back and forth. Throw in an air electric guitar and a jumpy-jump every once in a while. Add a horn move once and you've got my standard concert dance. The good thing about the Bendy is that you can rock out hard or slow and still feel like you are the least stupid looking person at the show. Most people subscribe to the Bendy. You can do the Bendy a bit incognito if you aren't comfortable letting out your rockin'. You can go crazy with the Bendy and move around if you have had a few cocktails. The Bendy is pretty much your typical dance move.
8. The Stomp - I also do this one. This is where you basically just stomp your feet. Mostly one at a time. You can go left foot for a while, then when that foot hurts you can move to the right foot. This move looks very silly so it usually comes late in the show when you no longer care what people think of your moves. This is a toned down version of the 'Fighting Irish' move listed under MOSH.
I'd say that pretty much covers most of the moves you see at a rock show. There could certainly be more and I'm sorry I haven't listed them. People watching is a big plus to going to see a live rock show. There is never a shortage of crazies to keep you entertained between set changes. Or when you can't stand the opener and just want to stand in the hallway sipping your beer, and smoking if you do. Then you can watch more nut jobs with your concert goer friend. All in all, there are not many things as entertaining as a rock show. If you have the means I highly recommend attending one. At least one.
BYLINE:
Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable. Email Bry at bry@zoiksonline.com.
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