I just saw the new sci-fi movie “District 9.” I went to see it with my husband in the theater because that's the best way to see sci-fi movies, right? In the theater? I know, I'm a chick, but I can still get excited for a good gory alien movie! Unfortunately this movie did not satisfy my alien "shoot-em-up" desires.
“District 9” was a thought provoking alien movie. I was confused and a little upset by that. I don't like my thoughts to be provoked by alien movies. Aren't these movies designed to gross you out, freak you out, and plant serious worry in your mind about the future of our planet?
Is it just me?
Now pardon the stereotyping but I think of sci-fi movies as man movies. The antithesis of the chick flick. I can remember when I was younger my father would say to me, "Let’s watch something with mindless violence." He loved a movie with little plot and lots of action. The kind of movie where someone takes off their sock, puts a cue ball in it, and bashes sculls in. The proper way to view these movies is slouched, in sweat pants, drooling, and cross eyed. While thought provoking movies are good there's also a purpose to mindless violence. Isn't that what men want? And what happens to the world if you take away the senseless violence of a good sci-fi movie? Aliens might as well invade.
Seeing “District 9” and it's heavy social undertones begs the question - what's wrong with the dudes? It's like they started thinking. As a chick feeling threatened, I don’t want my dude movies to make me think. I want my dude movies to flash inappropriate boob shots and be filled with yelling while shooting a gun in slow-mo. This is the way it is supposed to work. Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't get to where he is today because “Conan the Barbarian” satiated your desires to compare Greek Mythology to the foundations of Christianity. Hello, he wielded a sword!
What constitutes the perfect sci-fi movie? Aliens? Yes. Explosions? Yes. Advanced computer systems we don't have the technology for? Yes. Emotional connections between the audience and the aliens? NO! No, no, no! Where's the gore? Where's the slow-mo? I don't think anything in “District 9” was in slow motion. That right away should DQ it from sci-fi standing. If this behavior keeps up it'll be the death of an entire movie genre. Plots can kill!
When you look back at sci-fi movies like “Species” or “Predator” there is greatness in their simplicity. Look at “Predator 2” for example - Rastafarian drug lords, gratuitous sex scenes, and Danny Glover. Bam, you've got a sci-fi movie. Break down the 1995 movie “Species” - Natasha Henstridge, Forest Effing Whitaker, Ben Kingsley, modified human DNA, it all equals sci-fi genius. Nowhere in either sci-fi movies are their alien kids.
I concede that “District 9” had some fabulously realistic aliens. The movie was shot in a cool documentary style. There certainly were explosions and blood and those were done well. But there wasn't one boob. No I'm not gay but even “Star Wars” had some serious cleavage going on. It's just what's right for sci-fi, or isn't it? Even a girl can realize there are just some things in life you can't change. But not with this movie. I hope this hasn't started a trend. I'm going to have to pray the SyFy channel re-runs “Mansquito” soon just to feel vindicated.
BYLINE:
Bry Schulz is a writer, photographer, and mother who really hates squash. Not necessarily the game but definitely the vegetable. Email Bry at bry@zoiksonline.com.
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