Close call today! A near tragedy you might call it. Here's the dish…
I'm lactose intolerant. Bad. It's weird though. I can drink a full glass of chocolate milk, no problem. I can drink the milk from my bowl of Fruity Pebbles, no problem, but if I drink just a straight glass of "white milk," we got some problems! I say WE because if you're around me, and I'm drinking white milk, then trust me, WE got problems.
What possessed me to drink the white liquid of death? Plain and simple. There was no other liquids to drink in the house and I had just gotten through eating some Ramen Noodles with pasta sauce and turkey sausage. Delicious by the way. Anyway, I opened the fridge, saw that my options were limited to nothing and milk, so without thinking I chugged that bad boy like it was going out of style.
Well, apparently I had a little left over this morning and I had to take my vitamins and I drank some more. I honestly thought, "maybe my body has adapted to the evil ways of "Moo Nectar." Well, it didn't, and not even close.WOW!!! I took extra strength TUMS and everything!
Luckily, I live alone and it's summer, so all the windows were open, along with the patio door. Luckily!! If this had been winter, and I would have started to warm the stove up? KABOOM!! Just like BATMAN, but this time in real life.
The worst was riding my motorcycle. There is nothing worse than being at the stoplight and your stomach is "gurgling" a then you're thinking, "Uh-oh! What if this is the big one?" I'd be like Fred Sanford from Sanford and Son, clutching my butt-cheeks saying "Somebody, I'm coming to join you honey! And I got a case of the bubble guts!" and as we all know, "bubble guts = mud butt."
Luckily, I made it everywhere safe, but there were some tense moments. The poor people behind me at the stoplights. They had to be thinking, "That guy must be burning oil or he's got bad pipes." And I would be like, "Brotha, you don't know the half, trust me you don't.”
BYLINE:
BT is a comedian who travels all across the country to tell the funny to audiences that come out to see his show. Check his website out for show dates (http://www.btrox.com).
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