By Bob Zerull
I don’t know why I do it. Whenever I hear that something is disgusting or disturbing I feel the need to see if it’s true. Torture Porn as they call movies like “Hostel” or “Saw” ruined good, scary horror movies. Sick stuff doesn’t scare me. It may make me cringe or feel sick, but I’m not scared. Two of the scariest movies I’ve seen in a long time are “The Strangers” and the foreign film titled “Rec” (which was later remade as “Quarantine”). Neither movie relied on gore. It was the unknown that scared you.
This brings me to the first of my three movie reviews, “Chaos.” From what I understand, “Chaos” was a failed attempt at a remake of the Wes Craven classic “The Last House on the Left.” I loved “Last House,” because it seemed so real. It was like they were taping these people torturing these girls, which scared me to death because it was so real. In the end, the parents of one of the girls turn the table on them.
“Chaos” is almost the same exact story. The problem with “Chaos” is that it is just plain stupid. The acting is horrific. The only thing that is done even remotely well is the use of effects. When they are torturing this girl the camera doesn’t cut away and it looks like they really did what they did to her. They succeeded there, but everywhere else was a flat out miss.
The characters are as dumb as they come in a horror movie. I’ll forgive some level of stupidity in a horror movie. For instance, in the movie “Wolf Creek” the characters make some pretty bad decision that end up getting them killed, however I can see those decisions being made in the heat of the moment.
In “Chaos” it’s just ridiculous. In the history of movies I feel safe in saying that the two cops in this are the two stupidest characters ever - I am not exaggerating. The worst part of the whole movie is the crappy ending. In “Last House” the bad guys get tortured by the parents of one of the victims.
*SPOILER*
In “Chaos” you think that is going to happen, but then all of the sudden the main bad guy survives - it’s just stupid.
*END SPOILER*
Please don’t ever see this movie, the filmmakers don’t deserve your money.
Movie number two is a French film entitled “Martyrs.” This is a movie that started off with so much potential. It begins with a girl who is trapped in some dungeon. She’s clearly being tortured, but you don’t really know how or why. She escapes and becomes an orphan where she befriends another little girl. Fast forward to when they are in their late teens/early twenties, the tortured little girl returns to the home where she is tortured and murders a family. It is one amazing scene. It is brutal and horrifying. It’s not because of the gore, although there is plenty of it, it’s the intensity behind it. The fact that we don’t really know if this is the house where she was tortured or not keeps it that much more freaky.
The girl’s friend comes to try to save her/get her out of there, but with no luck. Then the movie just goes crazy. I’m not going to tell you how it goes crazy, because it would spoil the movie. I personally think where they went with this movie sucks. It is incredibly original. It took me a couple days to decide if where they went was good or bad. If any of you do see this movie and want to discuss it please email me, because it is in a way a fascinating idea, I just don’t buy into it. Why would someone go to all that trouble for that? You’ll have to check out the movie to understand.
Finally another French film titled “Inside.” Again, this is a movie that started off with a ton of potential. It is about a pregnant lady who apparently lost her husband in a car accident in which she was driving. The night before she is going to be induced into labor this crazy woman comes over and is pounding on the sliding glass door. There are some terrifically scary images here. The woman on the outside, you never really get a good look at her. The cops are called and once they arrive, it appears as if the lady is gone. The pregnant woman goes to sleep. Next thing we know, the crazy woman on the outside, is inside (hence the title).
At this point the movie starts to head down the path of crappy. Once the crazy woman gets inside, she tries to cut open the pregnant lady and take the baby out. The movie was so good up to this point that this didn’t really bother me. The pregnant lady manages to get to safety. In the mean time two guests and three cops come by and none of them manage to save this poor girl. I said the cops in “Chaos” were the stupidest characters in the history of movies, and I stand by it. The cops in this tried very hard themselves. I don’t understand it. I know five cops personally, none of which are stupid. Needless to say, the climax of the movie is the showdown between the pregnant lady and the crazy woman.
*SPOILER*
The pregnant lady manages to burn the woman that is attacking her. Just as she’s about to escape to safety, one of the dead cops gets up looking like a zombie (there were no zombies in this movie up to this point) and attacks the pregnant woman. The crazy woman apparently survived the burn. The pregnant lady then all of the sudden goes into labor, the crazy woman delivers the baby, you find out that at the beginning of the movie, in that car accident the crazy woman miscarried, which is why she’s after this one. Don’t bother trying to figure this out, because really it is just stupid. The final scene is of the burnt crazy woman sitting in a rocking chair with the new born baby that somehow survived all of this.
*END SPOILER*
So to sum it all up, stay away from “Chaos” and “Inside.” They are incredibly gory movies, but they are such bad movies that there is really no point in seeing them. See “Martyrs.” While I hate where the movie went, it is still interesting and I’d love to debate/discuss it with anyone.
BYLINE:
Bob Zerull is a frequent movie and concert goer who talks about his ventures to arenas and theaters more than any person should be allowed to do. Now, he puts them down on paper. Email him your thoughts at: bzerull19@gmail.com. Also visit: www.cadaverchristmas.com.
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