“As you are reading this.”

By Jason Tanamor

As you are reading this, there is a movie going on above you. At least, that was what I was thinking as I was watching this foreign film recommended by my friend. She said, “You have to watch this movie. BUT,” and I am capitalizing ‘but’ to show emphasis, “the movie is in sub-titles that you have to read. But you have to watch this movie.”



OK.

I used to love foreign and artsy films with sub-titles. I do not really anymore. The reason is because with my busy schedule, I would much rather watch something that I can doze off to than to have to read. Also, I feel as if I am reading the movie, I am missing out on the actors’ acting and gesticulations that suggest the scene and storyline. For example, this comes up on the screen.

“I did NOT do that!”

“YES you did!”

NO, I did NOT!”

And then you hear a door slamming. Underneath the picture, the words (door slams) appear.

Thank you for that, character generator operator.



This conversation leads me to believe there is conflict. After all, they did stress the words and after each dialogue, there was an exclamation point. Never mind, the action on screen, which I missed because I was reading, showed the man slamming his fist on the table, and the woman, whew! (exclamation point to show effect) was redder than the state of Texas.

I would rather have the cheesy voice over so I could watch the actors show me frustration. All this while some Japanese man is screaming at a customer while an actor with choppy English is saying, “You be here foh ow was!” (Translated: You have been here for four hours!)

If that was the case, then I could see how pissed the man was, PLUS (capitalized to show effect) hear the anger.

So, to those who make foreign or artsy films, consider cheesy voice over's rather than reading. And in case you did not realize, while you were reading this, I slammed my fist, lowered my eyebrows, smirked twice, rolled my eyes, AND masturbated, all on the page above you.

(writer posts blog)

BYLINE:

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."