CHICAGO - Talk show host Oprah Winfrey has announced a new venture for her company, Harpo Studios: Obama TV (OTV).
"Over the last year or so, I've noticed that America just cannot get enough of Barack Obama and his family, so I thought to myself, 'Why not have a 24-hour network that covers everything Obama?'" Winfrey said, speaking at a press conference in Chicago. "It's a historic time in America and many people have told me that they don't want to miss a single moment of it, except of course when the Oprah Winfrey
Show is on."
Financial guru Mani Pundit predicted that OTV would turn Winfrey from a mere billionaire into a zillionaire. "It's a brilliant idea," Pundit said. "CNN's ratings shoot up every time they show anything about Obama. Why else would they have 10 analysts debating whether Obama uses Crest or Colgate?"
Harpo released a tentative daytime schedule for OTV, which will promote itself with the slogan "No drama, just Obama."
6 to 7 a.m. - Fitness with Obama: Get in shape with a series of moves that the president is promoting, including belt-tightening, budget-stretching and figure-massaging. Just an hour a day will do wonders for your fiscal fitness.
7 to 9 a.m. - Obama Today: A hard-hitting news show that will keep you informed on all the latest Obama news, including when the president woke up and what he had for
breakfast. Regular features on the show include "Obama Agenda," "Eloquent Quote of the Day" and "Kenya Relative Report."
9 to 10 a.m. - Meet the Dress: Fashion experts discuss the latest dress worn by Michelle Obama. Handbags, shoes and other accessories will also be critiqued. Viewers will have the opportunity to call in and suggest what the First Lady should wear the next day.
10 to 11 a.m. - The Amazing Race: Scenes from the 2008 presidential race, such as the never-before-seen footage of Obama telling his adviser David Axelrod that if he wins the presidency, anything is possible, even the Cubs winning the World Series.
11 to Noon - Everybody Loves Barack: Public figures such as Magic Johnson, Holly Robinson Peete and Jesse Jackson reveal what the Obama presidency means to them and how much they cried on election night. In the first show, Halle Berry discloses that she cried so much, she had to be treated at the hospital for dehydration.
Noon to 1 p.m. - Obama Book Club: Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison hosts a discussion of books written about Obama, not just the positive books, but also the
extremely positive ones.
1 to 2 p.m. - Tales of the Underdog: A special White House correspondent will report on the activities of the First Dog. Viewers will hear interesting tidbits on the dog, such as where it slept, what it drank, and how many Republicans it barked at.
2 to 3 p.m. - Guess Who Came to Dinner: Get the scoop on who was invited to dinner at the White House last night, what they were served and whether any silverware went
missing.
3 to 4 p.m. - Obama's Got Talent: Former classmates of Barack Obama discuss the talents that were evident to them years ago, from his speaking ability to his socializing skills to his knack for staying awake in Medieval History. Viewers will hear many interesting details, such as the fact that Obama's high school teacher wrote on his report card: "Barack is a natural leader. I expect big things from him. Who knows, maybe one day he'll even be elected a church deacon!"
4 to 5 p.m. - All His Children: What did Sasha and Malia learn in school today? Tune in and find out! Experts will discuss the girls' education and whether their parents made the right choice of school. Other topics include how they dressed at school, what they ate for lunch and whether they spoke to any boys.
5 to 6 p.m. - Obama.we.are: A must-see show featuring the latest Obama-related music videos by hip-hop artist will.i.am. On Nov. 7, shortly after Obama won the election,
the Black Eyed Peas frontman released his hit "It's a New Day." In December, he will release his follow-up hit "It's a New Month." And in January, he will release another hit, "It's a New Year."
BYLINE:
Melvin Durai is a Manitoba-based writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and has lived in North America since the early 1980s. Read his humor blog at http://www.Nshima.com Write to him at comments@melvindurai.com.
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