“Adam Lambert's gig only shocking because it wasn't more shocking.”

By Sean Leary

That was a dude?

That was my reaction to the alleged Adam Lambert “controversy” post the American Music Awards Sunday night.



For those who mercifully missed the disappointing show, which plopped like a turd in the toilet weighed down by undeserved awards given to Michael Jackson, strained ad libs by incongruous presenters and extremely disappointing performances by acts that have done way better in the past - I'm particularly talking to you, Lady Gaga and Rihanna - the show was a flop by any standard.

But its biggest dud was the Lambert performance, which was relentlessly hyped throughout the night by a breathless Ryan Seacrest, and which was held off until the very end to build suspense.

Suspense for… what, exactly?

The way Seacrest was alternately serious and pumped up in his deliveries of each promo of Lambert's gig built it up way too much. I couldn't help but wonder what the heck the guy was going to do to justify such hype. Was he going to have backup dancers dressed up like Osama Bin Laden and Barack Obama making out with each other while footage of 9-11 conspiracy theories played on a video screen in the background and he strode out naked, wearing only a Tom Cruise mask, to pee on a picture of Oprah? Oh, wait, no, Taylor Swift had already done that at the CMAs. So I guess Adam had to rely on something else.

Lambert, the runner up from the last “American Idol,” who surprised no one when he came out as gay in Rolling Stone just after the competition, was on the show to flog his new album, “For Your Entertainment,” which dropped Monday and was in the mediocre position of number 11 as of Tuesday morning. Wow, that AMA bump really helped.

I have to admit, I was really looking forward to seeing what Lambert was going to do. Then again, I was also really looking forward to seeing what Lady Gaga and Rihanna were going to do as well, and I was left blah by each of those performances, so I shouldn't have been surprised.

Seacrest hyped up Lambert's gig throughout the night as “the performance everyone will be talking about tomorrow” and “something you have to see to believe.”

Well, I saw it, and, Adam, I'm shocked.

I'm shocked that you weren't more shocking.

I remember watching some of the really controversial and chat-worthy performances on awards shows. Madonna dressed as a bride, strewn in crucifixes, simulating masturbation. Madonna kissing Britney and Xtina. Prince masturbating a guitar and simulating sex on stage. Tatu (remember them?) pawing each other as an army of female backup dancers in schoolgirl outfits made out throughout their set. Howard Stern exposing his disgusting butt and making the MTV awards podium explode with his fart. And on and on and on…

Adam Lambert's performance was not up to, or down to, depending on your perspective, those standards.

Basically, here's what happened: Lambert slunk out on stage in his retro glam Elvis gear, and slowly ascended a multi-tiered catwalk strewn with leather-clad backup dancers. Along the way, he dirty danced with them for a few seconds and had some simulated gestures where a couple of their heads gyrated in and out of his groinage.



Shocking? Maybe to some who have never seen this done before countless times by countless other performers who trade in sexual shock value. Madonna? Prince? Britney? Yeah, they've all done it before, but let's give credit where it's due - Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison were doing the same thing in the late '60s and Iggy Pop and various other punk acts did far worse in the '70s.

To me, given the long history of such on-stage moves, it smacked more of being calculated to shock.

But then came “the big moment” that “everyone was talking about” on Monday. One that was so shocking I pretty much missed it.

Adam Lambert kissed a guy. Yup. A long, sloppy kiss with a dude on national TV.

One thing though: The guy didn't look like a guy.

And no, I'm not joking.

My wife fell asleep about 15 minutes before the end of the show. The next day she asked me what happened, and about the Adam Lambert performance. She was more surprised by Taylor Swift beating Michael Jackson for the big award of the night. Especially when I told her that Lambert just climbed up a stage, had a few simulated oral seconds and then, at the top of the stage, “made out with some chick in a funky outfit with messed up hair.”

That's what I said. No kidding.

Some chick in a funky outfit with messed up hair.

Turns out, that “she” was a “he.”

That's how shocked I was.

I was shocked alright. Shocked that from a distance that that alleged guy looked so androgynous that I mistook him for a girl.

Was I shocked that Lambert had actually kissed a guy?

Why would I be?

He's a gay guy. Who else is he going to kiss? Breaking News! Gay guys kiss other gay guys. I'd be more surprised if he got caught making out with Jennifer Aniston.

But then again, considering her dating history, maybe I wouldn't be.

However, maybe this says more about us as a society than it does about Adam Lambert. Over the last decade, we've seen so much - and not a lot of it good. We've become pretty battle-hardened when it comes to shockability.

It's a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing in that petty things that would've otherwise occupied our time and mental energy no longer drain those precious commodities. But it's also a bad thing in that it acts as a spur to provocateurs seeking fame and attention. It's raised the bar so much that at some point, attention-seekers are really going to be burning up the envelope to get people to listen.

Where is that going to take them? A lot farther than it took Adam Lambert Sunday night.

However, maybe this numbness to shock could be a really good thing.

Once performers realize people are shock-proof, maybe they'll stop trying to gimmick people. Maybe they'll just rely on their talent and the raw power of their performance charisma to impress people.

Now THAT would be shocking.



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Sean Leary's recent and current projects include the alt-rock "Spinal Tap" comedy film "Your Favorite Band" (www.yourfavoritebandthefilm.com), the award-winning short story collection "Every Number Is Lucky To Someone" (available in bookstores nationwide and on Amazon.com) and his website: www.getyourgoodnews.com.