I'm still tired. Got back Sunday from Louisiana, flew to Syracuse, NY on Tuesday, and then I’m on my way to Monterey, CA. I managed to make my court date for driving without a license. I drove without a license to get to court.
I'm so grateful the judge didn't ask me how I got to court, especially after I was sworn in.
"How'd you get here?"
“What difference does it make man, I'm here!”
"You drove didn't you?"
"Damn, you must read my thoughts, huh?"
"No, more like your face."
Actually I've lied so much in my lifetime, a judge would be the least of my worries. Hey, if I think I won't get caught in a lie and it can save me present grief, rather than "who-knows-the-fuck" grief later, are you kidding me? I lied to mom all the time as a kid to avoid those vicious ass whoopings. I blamed my brother, the weather, a non-existent dog, aliens, a tranny named Leon, you name it. Hey, those whoopings hurt! Why not lie and when I thought I was caught, lie some more.
A friend of mine's dad once told him, and I quote, "A lie that's believed is as good as the truth any day.” 'Nuff said. I'd lie to Jesus but I don't think that would work out to well:
"You're lying my son."
"No I'm not ‘J.’"
"Yes you are, trust me I know, and you know that I know."
"Well not this time, your superpowers must be outta whack, because I'm tellin' you- "
"You have got to be kidding! Do you know who I am? Do you? Oh forget it, where's my cell? I'm calling my dad, and you're gonna get it then buster."
Folks, that’s pretty funny stuff. Even tired I can still muster out some funny.
My fear at this moment? That I'm losing my funny. We shall see. More on this later, gotta sleep.
BYLINE:
BT is a comedian who travels all across the country to tell the funny to audiences that come out to see his show. Check his website out for show dates (http://www.btrox.com).
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