It is far too easy to rip a movie like “The Spy Next Door.” The plot is dimwitted and derivative, star Jackie Chan has far too little mastery of the English language to be given this many lines and the supporting cast is a minefield of overacting and over-arching cuteness. Way too easy.
The harder thing to do is admit that despite all the garbage in “The Spy Next Door,” there are a few modest pleasures and even a couple of smiles to be had.
“The Spy Next Door” is an accidental re-imagining of Vin Diesel's Disney flick “The Pacifier.” Take the world's greatest super-spy and leave him in charge of some precocious pre-teens and wait for wacky stuff to happen. The only difference is where Diesel seems terribly uncomfortable; Jackie Chan seems right at home playing with the kids.
Chan is secret agent Bob Ho, a spy on loan to the CIA from Chinese Intelligence. He is tracking a Russian bad guy named Poldark (Magnus Scheving) and his evil gal, Creel (Katherine Boecher) as they seek to destroy the world supply of oil. Helping Bob are a pair of CIA agents, Glaze (George Lopez) and Colton (Billy Ray Cyrus).
Meanwhile, Bob is looking to wrap up his spy career so that he can marry his next door neighbor Gillian (Amber Valletta) who does not know that Bob is really a spy. Even bigger than that obstacle however is getting in good with Gillian's three kids. Farren (Madeline Carroll) is a severely moody oldest daughter who nastily calls her mom Gillian. Ian (Will Shadley) is the middle child and a power nerd who, though only 9, reads physics for fun. And finally 4 year Nora (Alina Foley) who is convinced that Bob is what Ian calls a ‘cyborg.’ Together the siblings look to get rid of boring Bob before he can marry mommy.
Yes, the plot is exceedingly dopey and condescendingly simple. But, you know that when you buy the ticket. Given that knowledge going in makes it easier to appreciate the few charms that “The Spy Next Door” has. Jackie Chan is now 50 years old and years of daring stunt work have taken their toll. Nevertheless, Chan gives it a go in “The Spy Next Door” and his brand of martial arts crossed with Buster Keaton style slapstick hasn't been this much fun in a while.
The kids in kid’s movies can be terribly irritating, either too precious or too grating. They are at times both in “The Spy Next Door.” That said each of the child actors has a good moment or two, especially young Alina Foley. It's cheating to have a sweet little four year old whisper 'I love you Bob' as he sings her to sleep with a Chinese lullaby, but it's hard to deny how cute the scene is.
“The Spy Next Door” is not 'cinema.' This is not a great movie but it never pretends to be. “The Spy Next Door” is briskly paced, breezy and goofy and over before you really tire of its idiot plot. By the lowered standards of kid’s entertainment this qualifies as something I can recommend. Kids won't be harmed by it and mom and dad may actually stay awake during it. What more can you ask.
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Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan.
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