It's that time of the year again - baseball playoff season. Growing up in a state where there aren't any professional sports teams (Iowa), I've always thought I was cursed. But then I looked at the situation. Without any professional teams, I don't have to display a pissy attitude any time my "team" fails to make the post season. At the same time, having the luxury of not having a pro sports team in your state opens up the possibility of having to choose from teams in St. Louis, Kansas City, Green Bay, Detroit, Minnesota, Indiana, and of course, the one I've chosen, Chicago.
The reasoning behind choosing a city like Chicago is simple, losers. I come from a state where riverboat casinos are huge. On casinos, the house (the casino) always has the odds. That means, we (the gamblers) have a terrible chance at winning. So, in effect, Iowans are known for being losers, if riverboats are known for being in Iowa. Therefore, I had to choose Chicago as a sports city. I can relate to losing, and so can Chicagoans.
Since I've been able to yell at the television, I've adopted Chicagoans as my own. Unfortunately, the adoption process has been brutal. There's the Bears, the Cubs, and Bill Murray. And although I liked Ghostbusters, what have you done for me lately? I guess it is fitting that Bill Murray and Chicago are the same, because every baseball season with the Cubs is its own Groundhog Day.
But getting back to the first reason of growing up in a state with no sports teams, I realize I'm pissy all the time. You see, I like the Cubs. So, when you see headlines in the papers that read, "Cubs get ready for playoffs - Buy big screen televisions," you know there's a problem.
But not this year. Oh no. Not the year that the loveable losers had the best record in the league AND home field advantage in the playoffs, AND the fact in which the last time the Cubs won it all was exactly 100 years ago in 1908. Not this year at all. R-r-r-right…
I've been a Cubs fan since the days of Ryne-O. That's right, since the '80s. Although I haven't experienced the last 100 years of the Cubs' short comings, I have experienced my share. What irks me about the Cubs is that they always seem to be rebuilding.
Every off season, they have remarkable acquisitions, on paper at least, as noted by every broadcaster associated with the organization.
Things like, "With the addition of Soriano and now, Fuck You Dome, they're sure to make a run this year," and "Now they have a veteran manager in Lou Piniella, the Cubs are a team the National League Central should be looking at," and lastly, "We finally got rid of Sammy “I don’t speak English when it deals with steroids” Sosa, so let the party on Rush Street begin," can usually be heard by Cubs fans.
But no matter how many good acquisitions the Cubs make in the off season, for some reason they're always mathematically eliminated after the first game of the season. The Chicago Cubs are like women in Penthouse - they look really good on paper, but when you finally see them in person, it's like, "Man, what month are you again?"
But wait, not THIS year. R-r-r-right…
The thing is, Cubs fans don't care if the team wins. And this is what bothers me.
So the question I ask is, why are we even signing big names like Lou Piniella and Alfonso Soriano? No matter how many homeruns Soriano hits, one man can't take a team to the World Series. He's proven that the last couple years. No matter who you put on the field for the Cubs, people will go to the game. Hell, for fan appreciation day, you could have the first 40 fans that show up be on the team for that game. And the chance of THAT team winning would probably be the same percentage as the ones that get paid millions of dollars.
Having said this, this is what should happen. We should trade Alfonso Soriano, Derrek Lee, Kerry Wood, Aramis Ramirez and release Lou Piniella. That relieves the Tribune millions of dollars in salary that can be used to pick up a few minor leaguers, or fans for that matter. Having that extra amount of cash on hand, Cubs fans that attend the games would not have to pay the eleven or so dollars for a glass of beer, the $20-40.00 for parking, the $10.00 for a ball park hot dog, or the $50.00 for tickets. Fans will go to the games anyway. It's bad enough the Cubs are going to lose, but do fans have to be broke also? Two negatives don’t equal a positive here.
So, think about the thousands of people who go to Cubs games, whether you go to one game or hold season tickets. The way prices are going, your money will be mathematically eliminated from your wallet.
BYLINE:
Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, "Hello Lesbian!" and "Anonymous."
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