"Antonio Banderas, Kate Hudson, and Fergie could not stop 'Nine' musical from being a shambling disaster." – Movie Review.

By Sean Patrick Kernan

The musical “Nine” starring Antonio Banderas is a middling attempt to bring Federico Fellini to the masses. Italy's legendary surrealist director has, since his turn to surrealism after successfully defining Italian cinema and culture in the 1950's, been a mystery to most.



Creative types have always felt they understood what the Italian master was after and Maury Yeston, who wrote the music for the Broadway production, was apparently one of those creative types; so much so that he felt the need to water down Fellini with tired song and dance and a three act structure.

Now, Yeston's watered down work becomes a slightly more sophisticated but still wrongheaded movie musical. Oscar winner Rob Marshall is the latest to see the need to explain Fellini's genius to the great unwashed and like Yeston, he is a fabulous failure.

The story of “Nine” surrounds Italian director Guido Contini (Daniel Day Lewis) who, pushed by his producer, is about to begin production of his latest film “Italia.” This is despite the fact that he hasn't written a word of the script. Guido has lost his inspiration and calls upon the many muses of his past to bring a story to mind.

These muses include his wife Luisa (Marion Cotillard), his mistress Carla (Penelope Cruz), his late mother (Sophia Loren), his long time star, Claudia (Nicole Kidman) and a prostitute (pop princess Fergie) who taught him and his friends a little of the birds and bees decades ago. Meanwhile, he seeks advice from his best friend and costume designer Lilli (Judi Dench) and a little ego stroke, among other things, from a journalist named Stephanie (Kate Hudson).

Each of these women offer Guido a song or two, belting out their inner monologues, mostly about what a genius he is, save Luisa who calls him out for the bastard philanderer he truly is. If you have always held the impression that directors are self involved egotists, these songs, this film, will do little to disabuse you of that notion.



“Nine” is a shambling disaster for most of its run time. We are informed from the first moment that Guido is a genius but he is never required to demonstrate any kind of genius. When Lewis gives him voice for the first time he might explain a little about Guido but it's hard to hear over the gales of laughter elicited when his Italian accented singing is compared, not so favorably, to Jason Segal's singing Dracula puppet in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.”

The rest of the cast is far stronger in singing with Cotillard, naturally, the stand-out, who won an Oscar for her portrayal of Edith Piaf in “La Vien Rose” and proves again to be a natural singer. Kate Hudson is the surprise of the singers. Hudson has the film's one original song, “Cinema Italiano,” and it is the one really lively moment in the film, if not the most coherent or necessary.

Rob Marshall dismisses narrative coherence for a series of Guido's masturbatory fantasies, interrupted from time to time by his wife and a little Catholic guilt. Every woman in the film is asked to bow to his brilliance and their bowing is treated as evidence of his genius. Yet, never once does Guido have to prove his brilliance. This might not be a problem if Daniel Day Lewis gave Guido any dimension beyond a tortured libido.

Speaking of tortured, for a movie about Fellini, whose fanciful work included clowns, strolling musicians and endless parades, “Nine” tends toward a dirge. From Day Lewis's tortured “Guido's Song” opener to the feature tune “Be Italian,” sung by Fergie, the songs of “Nine” are a slog. “Be Italian” sounded rather brilliant in the film's exceptional trailer but in the film it becomes not a celebration of Italian culture but a command from a taskmistress.

“Be Italian” is a major misstep from Director Marshall who fumbles not just the song, staged a little too much like something from his far better musical “Chicago,” but the back story. Fergie's prostitute is a turning point in the life of Guido Contini, a moment that shaped the way he treated women the rest of his life. Yet, do we see Fergie getting sexy and giving young Guido a truly formative memory? No, instead we cut from Marshall’s lame staged song to scenes of Fergie cavorting with child Guido and pals like a slightly creepy babysitter.

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Sean Patrick Kernan is a film critic. Check him out at: http://www.myspace.com/number1ramjamfan.